Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.
People think differently when it comes to
money
, for some, it is imperative while
others think it as
less important. Wealth can be used for basic needs Correct your spelling
is
as well as
for leisures
, Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
however
, peace of mind is paramount for good
Add an article
a good
the good
life
.
Earning income has been goal
for Add an article
a goal
the goal
populace
as Add an article
the populace
this
accomplish
their dreams and Correct subject-verb agreement
accomplishes
result
in Correct subject-verb agreement
results
good
and peaceful Correct article usage
a good
life
. Food, cloth
and shelter can be acquired by earning basic income Correct your spelling
clothing
however
, crave
for more and more Replace the word
cravings
money
for Correct article usage
a luxorious
luxorious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
life
which includes expensive clothes and outlandish
lifestyle could lead to Correct article usage
an outlandish
disastrous
and disturbed Add an article
a disastrous
life
. Therefore
, it is better if money
is used for basic needs rather than for earning it for needless expenditure.
Citing above
paragraph, it can be stated that Correct article usage
the above
money
is not the only imperative factor which can make life
worthy
. Spending joyful and quality Replace the word
worthwhile
time
with family which create
memories is way Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
worthy
Correct quantifier usage
more worthy
then
spending Replace the word
than
time
to earn extra money
.In my experience, a salient example of my uncle is perfect to present. He spent most of his time
in
earning Change preposition
apply
money
and made tons of money
but failed to provide ample time
to
his children leading to Change preposition
for
broken
family
In conclusion, it can be said that Add an article
a broken
the broken
money
is no doubt important
factor for Correct article usage
an important
life
but can't be spotted above family and peace of mind.Submitted by dhindsa.randeep on
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Language Use
Try to diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure your essay remains focused on the question throughout, specifically linking each point back to the main question about the right uses of money and other factors important for a good life.
Grammar & Accuracy
Use a wider range of sentence structures and punctuation to enhance readability and sophistication of your writing.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively set and summarized your arguments.
Content & Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your points, particularly the personal anecdote about your uncle.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to organize your ideas, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.