IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people feel that Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

#people #animals #humans #debate
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The freedom of
animals
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, some opine that it is all the time
detrimeltal
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 to keep
animals
 in captivity,
for instance
 in zoos, but others hold the view that there are positive effects for the
animals
 and for individuals.
This
 essay will discuss both views and
then
 my personal opinion will be suggested. It
often
Add a missing verb
is often
show examples
 pointed out that
animals
captivited
Correct your spelling
captivated
 in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 are more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 rather than wildlife. Proponents of
this
 argument suggest that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 extinction of
animals
 can
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
.
This
 is because, with heavy
afforts
Correct your spelling
efforts
 by zoo keepers,
exdangered
Correct your spelling
endangered
animals
 are nurtured by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in a safe environment and offer biological information for the research of animal genes. What is more, abundant foods and drinks are served.
This
 obviously leads
animals
 to improve
physical
Correct pronoun usage
their physical
show examples
 and mental health and
this
 in
trun
Correct your spelling
turn
 results in
animal's
Change noun form
animal
show examples
 life expectancy
prolongs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, some opponents insist that keeping
animals
 in captivity is detrimental.
Although
 the benefits of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 care for
animals
 cannot be ignored, it
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 a high number of stress to wild
animals
. A pertinent example of
this
 is that birds which are migration species cannot fly to the huge sky.
This
 often leads
negative
Change preposition
to negative
show examples
 mental issues. What is more,
animals
 would lose hunting skills, since they consume offered and nutriunted foods on a daily basis. To recapitulate,
animals
 captivited in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 are more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 rather than wildlife.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Essay Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your conclusion seemed to restate your personal view abruptly without summarizing the main points discussed.
Argument Support
To better support your main points, include specific examples or evidence for each view discussed. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the flow of your essay to improve coherence. Transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas, using linking words and phrases to connect them.
Task Response
Address the task more fully by discussing both views clearly and providing a more detailed personal view. It's crucial to balance your essay by elaborating equally on both sides of the argument before stating your position.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider revising sentences that may confuse readers or obscure your meaning.
Introduction
You've successfully introduced the topic and outlined the main argument perspectives, providing a clear basis for your essay.
Discussion Balance
Your attempt to discuss benefits and drawbacks demonstrates an understanding of the essay's requirements to examine both sides of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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