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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts illustrate how many hours in a British university library are spent by undergraduates and postgraduates compared to other students.

The three pie charts illustrate how many hours in a British university library are spent by undergraduates and postgraduates compared to other students.
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The three pie charts provide information about how long time the
students
Use synonyms
 who study in the UK spent their time in a British university library
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three different groups. In general, what stands out from the pie charts is that the proportion of all
students
Use synonyms
 and
undergradutes
Correct your spelling
undergraduates
undergraduate
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 between 1 to 7 was the highest among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 groups.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at
age
Use synonyms
 over 15 had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 among postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. It is obvious that
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1 to 7 accounted for almost one second of all
students
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it had 63% of
undergradutes
Correct your spelling
undergraduates
undergraduate
, it was the lowest proportion among postgraduates.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of the pupils who are at
age
Use synonyms
 8 to 14 and over 15 made up 35% and 15% of all
students
Use synonyms
 respectively. In
additonal
Correct your spelling
addition
,
age
Use synonyms
 between 8 and 14 was 28% of undergradutes'
rate
Use synonyms
, and 32% of
postgradutes
Correct your spelling
postgraduates
postgraduate
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who are older than 15 was 9% of
undergratude
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
 pupils.
Finally
Linking Words
, it accounted for more than half of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
postgradutes
Correct your spelling
postgraduates
postgraduate
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, age, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trends
  • Significant figures
  • Distribution
  • Comparison
  • Study habits
  • Preferences
  • Distance learners
  • Continuing education
  • Course requirements
  • Research needs
  • Resource allocation
  • Implications
  • Undergraduates
  • Postgraduates
  • Analyzing
  • Highlighting
  • Examining
  • Reviewing
  • Drawing comparisons
  • Summarizing
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