Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

Dear

Ms.

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Adams, I am writing

this

letter to request follow-up care for the patient Mr.Wilson, who attempted suicide by using Mogodol in high dosage.He was admitted to our centre on 13/8/2009. He has a past medical history of bronchitis and psoriasis. He is a heavy smoker and addicted to gambling for 2 years. He was a regular social drinker. He lives with his wife and son. He has 2 married daughters and 5 grandchildren, He became depressed when he tried to overcome his gambling addiction

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because he had lost lots of his money. We managed him with antidepressants like Lovan200g. He was newly diagnosed with diabetes. Diprosone Ov cream and Lonil T shampoo were prescribed for psoriasis. He started to use

wheelchair

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a wheelchair

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for mobilisation. His wife wants to consult Dr. Brian a psychologist and regular follow-up appointments are highly recommended. He needs encouragement to maintain antidepressant medications regularly and he

also

needs regular social worker appointments for gambling addiction therapy. I have attached all the pertinent details for your perusal. Please do not hesitate to contact me in case of any queries.

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue May 07 2024

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Structure

Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will help in enhancing the clarity of your argument.

Task Response

While your argument is comprehensive, try to directly address how making sugary products more expensive would impact consumption and health outcomes for a stronger task response.

Cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to link your ideas. This includes using words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'however'.

Content

Your essay provided a balanced view with clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant examples.

Flow

You maintained a good logical flow throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

182 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over past thirty years that may cities in the world are now on big traffic jam. How true do you think this statement is? How government should encourage people to reduce using their cars.

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Some people believe that exams are an inappropriate way of measuring students’ performance and should be replaced by continuous assessment. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think that planting trees in open spaces in cities and towns is more important than building houses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?