Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
modern world, a large number of people believe that metropolitan city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
is
become the best place for Verb problem
have
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
their
Change preposition
of their
children
. However
, others consider the countryside
to be a more suitable choice, in my perspective I agree that town
is Correct article usage
the town
better
place for Add an article
a better
children
Change noun form
children's
growth
. A long
with Correct your spelling
Along
this
essay I am going to discussed
both views and give several Change the verb
discuss
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
from
my argument.
First of all, in my point of view Change preposition
for
as
by far Correct word choice
apply
metropolitan
area is the best circumstance Correct article usage
a metropolitan
to
Change preposition
for
growth
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
children
, due to
almost all of
Change preposition
apply
big
Add an article
the big
city
has complete public facilities
and also
education
facilities
as those is
really crucial Correct subject-verb agreement
are
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
to
Change preposition
of supporting
support
growth
of Add an article
the growth
children
. For instance
, in my country especially in Jakarta city
overthere
has Correct your spelling
there
high
Correct word choice
a higher
education
rank than other province
, it Change the wording
another province
other provinces
happen
because Jakarta has complete Change the verb form
happens
aducation
Correct your spelling
education
educational
facilities
it is assist pupils gain great education
quality and there
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
have exellent
public transportsation it is Correct your spelling
excellent
really
important thing to Add an article
a really
the really
support
education
acces.Besides
, parents who are live in urban city
mostly more aware how
important Change preposition
of how
education
for their children
eventually they will give the best facility and best treatment for growth
Correct article usage
the growth
Change preposition
of thier
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
to scure
Correct your spelling
ensure
the
bright future in Correct article usage
a
this
rapidly change
Wrong verb form
changing
the
world.
Correct article usage
apply
In
the other hand, several people trust that Change preposition
On
countryside
become Correct article usage
the countryside
suitable
place for Add an article
a suitable
growth
their children
, I am not really sure with
Change preposition
about
this
statment
because based on my experience almost all of Correct your spelling
statement
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
do
not have great public Correct subject-verb agreement
does
facilities
. Therefore
, it will be bit
problem for Add an article
a bit
growth
of Add an article
the growth
children
because they can not gain great education
facilities
, and it is
can Unnecessary verb
apply
harms
Wrong verb form
harm
children
development as Change noun form
children's
the
result students in Correct article usage
a
countryside
has low rank Add an article
the countryside
education
than pupils who are take study in Correct article usage
an advance
advance
Replace the word
advanced
city
. In addition
, parents who are
live in Verb problem
apply
Correct article usage
the contryside
contryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
they
can not give the best Correct pronoun usage
apply
education
and facility
to Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
support
their children
Change noun form
children's
dcvelopment
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
development
Correct article usage
an advance
advance
Replace the word
advanced
city
is become
the best choice to assist Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
children
development as Change noun form
children's
overthere
Correct your spelling
there
has
complete Verb problem
is
facilities
. besides
, the government have to support
the countryside
to enhance public facilities
to be better. Consequently
, humans who are
live in remote Verb problem
apply
are
can gain great treatment.Correct your spelling
areas
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument with a preference for city living due to educational and public facilities, which is good for task achievement. However, try to develop your ideas further with more detailed reasons and specific examples for each view.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction could more clearly state the two views before sharing your own opinion to better prepare the reader for your discussion.
logical structure
In terms of coherence, work on connecting your ideas more logically. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can help guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay to correct errors in grammar and vocabulary, which can distract from your message. Simple mistakes can often be easily fixed with a quick review.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing. This will also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
supported main points
You effectively argue for the benefits of city living for raising children, noting important aspects like education and public transport.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarises your argument and suggests a positive role for government in enhancing countryside facilities.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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