IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, a large number of people believe that metropolitan
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 become the best place for
Use synonyms
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others consider the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to be a more suitable choice, in my perspective I agree that
town
Correct article usage
the town
show examples
 is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
.
A long
Correct your spelling
Along
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 essay I am going to
discussed
Change the verb
discuss
show examples
 both views and give several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my argument. First of all, in my point of view
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by far
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
show examples
 area is the best circumstance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 almost all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 has complete public
facilities
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 and
also
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 as those
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 really crucial
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
to
Change preposition
of supporting
show examples
support
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country especially in Jakarta
city
Use synonyms
overthere
Correct your spelling
there
 has
high
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 rank than
other province
Change the wording
another province
other provinces
show examples
, it
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 because Jakarta has complete
aducation
Correct your spelling
education
educational
facilities
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 it is assist pupils gain great
education
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 quality and
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have
exellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
 public transportsation it is
really
Add an article
a really
the really
show examples
 important thing to
support
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 acces.
Besides
Linking Words
, parents who are live in urban
city
Use synonyms
 mostly more aware
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 important
education
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 eventually they will give the best facility and best treatment for
Use synonyms
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
Change preposition
of thier
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 to
scure
Correct your spelling
ensure
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bright future in
this
Linking Words
 rapidly
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, several people trust that
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 become
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
 place for
growth
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
, I am not really sure
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
Linking Words
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 because based on my experience almost all of
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have great public
facilities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it will be
bit
Add an article
a bit
show examples
 problem for
Use synonyms
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 because they can not gain great
education
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
, and it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
harms
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 development as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result students in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 has low rank
education
Use synonyms
 than pupils who are take study in
Correct article usage
an advance
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
city
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, parents who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live in
Correct article usage
the contryside
show examples
contryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not give the best
education
Use synonyms
 and
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 to
support
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
dcvelopment
Correct your spelling
development
. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
an advance
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
city
Use synonyms
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 the best choice to assist
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 development as
overthere
Correct your spelling
there
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 complete
facilities
Use synonyms
.
besides
Linking Words
, the government have to
support
Use synonyms
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to enhance public
facilities
Use synonyms
 to be better.
Consequently
Linking Words
, humans who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live in remote
are
Correct your spelling
areas
show examples
 can gain great treatment.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument with a preference for city living due to educational and public facilities, which is good for task achievement. However, try to develop your ideas further with more detailed reasons and specific examples for each view.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction could more clearly state the two views before sharing your own opinion to better prepare the reader for your discussion.
logical structure
In terms of coherence, work on connecting your ideas more logically. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can help guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay to correct errors in grammar and vocabulary, which can distract from your message. Simple mistakes can often be easily fixed with a quick review.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing. This will also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
supported main points
You effectively argue for the benefits of city living for raising children, noting important aspects like education and public transport.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarises your argument and suggests a positive role for government in enhancing countryside facilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
What to do next:
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