IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that teachers are no longer needed because students can study via the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teachers #students #study #internet
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With today’s advanced technology, online courses have become more popular than before. Some argue that tutors are not necessary for the education system. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion, because
teachers
Use synonyms
 play an important part in the educational process. edu First of all, in classrooms, students usually interact with educators face-to-face.
Therefore
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, there is an ability to sense emotions and exchange respect with tutors.
In addition
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,
teachers
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 can easily assess student’s skills and progress within the classroom environment.
For example
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,
teachers
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 have more ability to recognize weaknesses in their students when they teach them face-to-face than doing
this
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 by webcam.
Moreover
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, distance learning might offer a variety of courses, but it could not provide the experience of working manually.
This
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 is to say, subjects
such
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 as chemistry need practical experiments and that could only be available via school cader.
Additionally
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, some online courses require a good amount of money like cybersecurity, which sometimes costs thousands of dollars.
Instead
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, learners can have
this
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 kind of knowledge directly from
teachers
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 with lower fees or sometimes for free.
To conclude
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,
teachers
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 play an important role in the education system as they can apply an interactive environment to students, discover weak points and improve them and
also
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 offer less expensive classes for those who are in need.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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Structure
Continue to develop clear introductions and conclusions which effectively present your position and summarise your argument. Your essay benefits significantly from this structure.
Cohesion
Try to include more varied connective devices beyond the basics ('First of all', 'Moreover', 'Additionally') to better demonstrate your ability to logically order and connect ideas.
Content
Provide more specific, detailed examples to support your points. While the examples given were relevant, deeper detail could enhance the persuasive impact of your argument.
Critical Thinking
Consider exploring counter-arguments to further demonstrate your capacity to engage with the topic comprehensively. Addressing opposing views and then rebutting them can enrich your argumentation.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position throughout.
Structure
Good use of introduction and conclusion to frame your argument, which enhances the clarity and impact of your essay.
Content
You've demonstrated the ability to use examples to support your main points, even though they could be further developed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensability
  • tailored guidance
  • mentorship
  • social skills
  • fostering
  • limitations
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • personalized touch
  • adapting learning materials
  • static online content
  • role models
  • curating information
  • facilitate understanding
  • critical thinking
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