The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.

The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.
The given bar chart illustrates the participation
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
5 to 14-year-olds in selected leisure activities in Australia.
Overall
, participants are only
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
and
lady
Fix the agreement mistake
ladies
show examples
who have taken race in
such
actions as watching TV, arts and crafts, riding a bike and skateboarding.Girls demonstrated a high result only by watching television, meanwhile, boys had all the best scores in any of them except the art.
Firstly
, the top-ranked one is spending time on videos as it shows approximately 98% of females and males equally,
whereas
in computer games males had a better result 76% than females who had 55%.
Additionally
, even in bike riding guys had 70% ,
while
young
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
had only 55%.
Secondly
, girls
also
had first place in arts and crafts by owning 50%, in the mean time boys had 33%. It is obvious that boys showed the best results in comparison with girls.
Submitted by aizered097 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: