IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

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Unhealthy
food
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 can have a negative
effect
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 on human
health
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. A lot of processed
food
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 and privilege
contain
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contains
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 a massive amount of
sugar
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, and it can cause diseases.
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Increase
Wrong verb form
Increasing
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 the prices of
sugar
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 can help keep people away from buying sugary meals. I think the government should
increase
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taxes
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 on
sugar
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 to reduce diseases, like diabetes and obesity, and to encourage restaurants to
use
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 healthy
alternatives
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 to
sugar
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. My contention will be
further
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 explained. To embark on,
increase
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taxes
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 on
sugar
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 can help decrease the
like hood
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likelihood
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 of diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes.
In other words
Linking Words
, sugary
food
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consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
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 to be unhealthy, because it can
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Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
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affect
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 human
health
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 negatively, and
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is linked
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its liked
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is linked
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 to the occurrence of chronic disease,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 a published article studied the
effect
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 of
sugar
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 on
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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health
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, and it revealed, not only that
sugar
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 can cause serious illness, but
also
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 can harmfully
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the IQ of young children’s.
hence
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, eating less
sugar
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 can aid in avoiding serious
health
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 problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the government put high
taxes
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 on
sugar
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, some restaurants will not be able
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use
Add the particle
to use
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 it.
Therefore
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, reduces the amount of unhealthy
food
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, and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 them to
use
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 other healthy
alternatives
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 to
sugar
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, like honey, stevia, and date
sugar
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. A prime example, a study done by doctors in India showed that the
use
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 of healthy sugars can reduce glucose levels in diabetic patients, and reduce the prevalence of obesity.
Hence
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,
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increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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taxes
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 on
sugar
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 not only, will encourage to
use
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healthy
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of healthy
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alternatives
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, but
also
Linking Words
 will make people in society consume sweet drinks and
food
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 without
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on their
health
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. In conclusion,
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increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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taxes
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 on
sugar
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, will decrease the consumption of sugary
food
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 and drinks,
additionally
Linking Words
, It will encourage restaurants to
use
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 other healthy
alternatives
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. To restate my opinion, I think it’s a good step to
increase
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taxes
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 on
sugar
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, so we can have a healthier community.

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Language Accuracy
Ensure consistent verb tense usage and proofread for minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
Lexical Resource
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enrich readability.
Task Response
Make sure to directly address the prompt by stating your position clearly in the introduction for stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and improve flow.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear overall argument that increasing taxes on sugary products is beneficial.
Task Achievement
You effectively use examples to support your arguments, enriching your essay's persuasiveness.
Conclusion Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, reinforcing your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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