Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that advanced technology
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
on
everything, Change preposition
apply
museums
and art galleries are not excluded. Nowadays most people
usually find their information
from online museums
or online history
places
. I agree to some extent with this
topic, here I will explain about it.
As a matter of fact, folk usually look to find some affordable ways to do their works
. because they need to save their Fix the agreement mistake
work
time
and money. Online information
can provide many things for them without any extra budget and they can save their time
on the other hand
, traffic is grown
so, it is an important topic that most nation are escapee of it. Wrong verb form
growing
For example
, crowd
get Add an article
the crowd
many
Correct word choice
apply
information
from history
platforms without any Replace the word
historical
limitation
. Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
Also
, most of them are very satisfy
. Change the form of the verb
satisfied
as
a consequence, online Capitalize word
As
museums
and art galleries will be thrived in the future. The police have informed that
if we had not had online platforms, we would have faced Correct pronoun usage
us that
with
some heavy Change preposition
apply
congestions
.
Of course, all Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
people
need to go to history
Replace the word
historical
places
and museums
and art galleries with their family
because children should be informed Fix the agreement mistake
families
from
our Change preposition
about
history
. on the other hand
, going to such
places
can strong
their relationship with their family. Replace the word
strengthen
for instance
, reporter
has declared on television that many Add an article
the reporter
a reporter
people
have fun
Add an article
a fun
time
in such
palaces
because they not only get many Correct your spelling
places
information
, but also
, they have a great and fun time
to gather. by the way, visiting of
Change preposition
apply
this
place is an important topic in terms of psychology and sciences. Must experts said if people
go to visit to
historical Remove the preposition
apply
places
and museums
, they will be some knowledgeable individuals.
In conclusion, information
about culture and history
through
online can be useful but everyone should go to Change preposition
apply
such
places
in person.Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on linking ideas more smoothly and using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity of your argument by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to make your standpoint clearer to the readers.
Task Achievement
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Language proficiency
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and ensure that your verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay. This will help to make your writing more professional and easier to understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides.