Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that art
is a crucial subject
, opponents and I believe that this
subject
is wasting their time because it may hinder students from spending ample time learning other scientific materials. My contention will be further
explained.
On the one hand, despite disagreeing that art
should be a salient subject
like other core materials, some advocates believe that art
facilitates the intellectual development of children.
This
means that when the scholar's mind is armed withcreative
skills, he can learn other things promptly and efficiently. Correct your spelling
with creative
For example
, a study conducted by the University of Oxford, England, revealed that pupils who have studied artistry learn a new lesson faster than students who did not. Hence
, what can be said is that crafts are not quintessential in strengthening the learners' academic standards, but mental math is more pivotal to revive
cognitive skills.
Wrong verb form
reviving
On the other hand
, opponents and I are convinced that art
is not a practical subject
, and incorporating such
modules in
the school curriculum could negatively affect pupils because these might hamper their future. Change preposition
into
In other words
, when students focus on subjects other than extra-curriculum
activities, they are considered a gateway to securing a job in a multinational company. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by Times Magazine Correct your spelling
extracurricular
which
has shown that many science graduates get better job offers, Correct pronoun usage
apply
whereas
some artists struggle to earn their livelihood. Hence
, scientific subjects are not only pivotal to attain
thriving jobs, but they Wrong verb form
attaining
also
empower scholars to apply to prestigious universities.
In conclusion, after the essay has manifested the abovementioned points, it can be reiterated that even though art
would ameliorate communication skills, other core subjects are quintessential in achieving high qualifications and earnings. Therefore
, I am convinced that art
is a complete loss of time and cannot be a subject
to study to earn a living.Submitted by Selfigih7 on
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Clarity & Balance
Make sure to discuss both views comprehensively and provide a balanced analysis before stating your own opinion.
Coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with clear linkage,
Support & Examples
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points; this will enhance the strength of your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Sentence Variation
Pay attention to varying your sentence structures to avoid repetitiveness and to keep the reader engaged.
Conclusion
You clearly presented your opinion and concluded your essay effectively, summarizing the main points.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Vocabulary
You have shown good use of vocabulary to articulate your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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