There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
young
individuals nowadays face significant academic pressure to excel.
it is argued that allowing Capitalize word
Young
students
to put more focus on their core subjects
, secondary subjects
such
Correct word choice
as sport
sport
and music should be eliminated from the curriculum. I strongly disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
sports
this
idea. I believe it is curial
to have a holistic development Correct your spelling
crucial
on
children is the key to success.
Change preposition
of
Firstly
, physical education promote
physical fitness, teamwork, discipline, and Change the verb form
promotes
overall
well being
. It instills healthy habits from an early age, which can have Add a hyphen
well-being
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
benifits
for student's physical and mental health. Correct your spelling
benefits
Moreover
, physical exercise have
been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance cognitive abilities and ultimately benefiting Change the verb form
has
students
overall
well being
and academic performances.
Add a hyphen
well-being
Secondly
, not all students
excel in traditional academic subjects
. By removing non-academic subjects
, we risk overlooking the unique talents and abilities of students
who may thrive in alternative domains. Music or art class
provide a Fix the agreement mistake
classes
platforms
for the Correct the article-noun agreement
platform
students
to explore and develop their skills such
as creativity and artistic prowess
Thirdly
, tight academic schedule
can lead to increased stress levels and burnout among Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
student
. These Fix the agreement mistake
students
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
provide opportunities for students
to escape from a busy timetable and have a moment to relax.
There is no doubt that all the the
parents want their children to have a bright and successful future in Remove the redundancy
apply
this
competitive world. Although
academic knowledge is vital, in order to allow student
to develop holistically and maintain Fix the agreement mistake
students
a
good mental and physical health. Correct article usage
apply
Subjects
such
as sport
and art should not be removed.Fix the agreement mistake
sports
Submitted by nataliewong313 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Try to strengthen your introduction and conclusion for better emphasis on your standpoint.
logical structure
Integrate a wider variety of connecting words to enhance the flow between ideas.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more detailed examples to support your arguments, which could bolster the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
You presented a clear disagreement with the statement and provided a structured argument to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay included well-delineated sections for each of your main points, making it easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.