IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society?

#coffee #shops #fast-food #vendors #streets #town #centres #outlets #effect #society
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In
this
 modern era, the popularity of unhealthy
food
 is skyrocketing per day. There are numerous hawkers selling
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
as well as
 a
lot
Correct your spelling
large
show examples
number
 of coffee shops
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every corner of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 including high streets and
central
Correct article usage
the central
show examples
 part of town.
Therefore
, the reason behind the increased
number
 of these outlets and its effect on the community are listed below in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, discussing the major reasons
of risement
Replace the word
for the rise
show examples
 in these types of outlets, the first and foremost is that, youngsters of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation love to eat and drink
junk
food
 and beverages.
For instance
,
fast-foods
Correct your spelling
fast foods
show examples
such
 as
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
,
pizza
Fix the agreement mistake
pizzas
show examples
, french fries and many more dishes are
extraordinary
Change the adjective
extraordinarily
show examples
 delicious and
appetilising
Correct your spelling
appetising
appetizing
, so young people can't control themselves from consuming
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Apart from
this
, opening stalls of
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
 and cold drinks creates employment opportunities who make mouth-watering
food
. To give
an examples
Correct the article-noun agreement
an example
examples
show examples
, a certain person who has excellent talent in cooking
food
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened their
food
 stall a couple of years ago and nowadays their dishes are famous worldwide and because of
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 they are
sre
Correct your spelling
sure
 earning a lot sum of money.
However
,
this
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It is true that
junk
food
 is liked by many folk, but it is
also
undeniable
Add an article
an undeniable
the undeniable
show examples
 fact that consuming
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
 makes
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 unhealthy and an easy catch for diseases and
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
show examples
. For elaboration,
junk
food
 contains
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
number
 of calories and carbohydrates with no proteins and vitamins.
Due to
 the absence of these minerals, a majority of individuals who eat unhealthy
food
catch
Verb problem
become
show examples
 ill and problems
such
 as
obsesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
arises
Correct subject-verb agreement
arise
show examples
.
Hence
,
this
 is a major drawback of
this
 latest trend. All in all, it is really true that
due to
 the the increase in shops selling
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
 and coal drinks employment opportunity rises, in
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 a large
number
 of people are becoming unhealthy
due to
 the consumption of fast
food
, so the youngsters must limit
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating
junk
food
 to stay healthy.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically, ensuring a clear progression from one paragraph to the next. Use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This also helps to make your argument more compelling.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your essay for any grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and clarity.
task response
Provide more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This helps to make your essay more persuasive and grounded.
task response
You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons for the proliferation of fast-food outlets and coffee shops as well as their impact on society.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good frame for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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