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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays village dwellers are considered to leave the countryside and travel to the city, which is why, eventually, there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are no people left in towns. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss whether it is a good or bad tendency. In my opinion, it is rather a negative development
due to
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 the following reasons.
Firstly
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, despite the fact that the more people move to the city, the more well-educated adults the country has, it is more likely that nobody will take care of
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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 sector. Not only does it
deserts
Correct subject-verb agreement
desert
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 plenty of living places
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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it
also
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 allows the situation, when
a
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livestock is left behind.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a general observation made in my
homecountry
Correct your spelling
home country
, young village residents are eager to travel to a bigger city in order to seek
for
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apply
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an opportunity and
further
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 settlement there.
However
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, afterwards, the nation lacks farmer workers, who have
skills
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the skills
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 and will to engage in rural activities.
Thus
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, the qualified workforce in agriculture becomes more rare and
expensive
Correct quantifier usage
more expensive
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, which leads to an increase in
price
Correct article usage
the price
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for
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of
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 fruits, vegetables, meat and other
bio products
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bioproducts
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that if a person was deeply sure that they could succeed and scale the heights,
this
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 candidate would take a chance and live in a megapolis. Unfortunately, every
freshmen
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freshman
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 usually faces various impediments on the way,
such
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 as finding
an
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apply
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affordable accommodation,
then
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 adaptation to a new society, and,
finally
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, finding a job.
For example
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, among recent graduates from Moscow
universities
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universities,
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 there is a big likelihood that they will strive to return to their hometowns
,
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apply
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 since it is the only place where they feel at home.
to sum up
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, taking into account all aforementioned issues like farming decrease and difficult adaptation, I insist that
its
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it's
it is
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 rather a negative development.

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Idea Development
To improve your essay, try to develop your ideas more deeply and provide more specific examples that directly support your arguments. While you have touched upon several significant points, going into greater detail will enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
Vocabulary Range
Watch out for repetitions and strive to vary your language more. You have a good grasp of vocabulary, but using a wider range of expressions and synonyms would make your writing more engaging.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, presenting a clear opinion. This structure helps the reader understand your perspective and the overall flow of the essay.
Logical Structure and Coherence
You’ve used a logical structure in your argument, making it relatively easy to follow. This builds a coherent flow, guiding the reader through your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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