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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below give information about the population of South Korea in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below give information about the population of South Korea in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #population #korea #summarise #features #comparisons
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The two pie
grphs
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graphs
graphics
 give us information related to
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in Korea. One is the proportion of
Use synonyms
population
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the population
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 in 2000 and the other is about the prediction of
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population
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the population
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 in 2050. One noticeable thing is that a
group
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 of people aged between 40 and 59 accounted for almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in 2000, with a figure of 42%.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by an
age
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group
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 between 20 and 39(33%).
Therefore
Linking Words
, these two groups
totaled
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totalled
show examples
 65%. Meanwhile, the youngest
age
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group
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 (under 20) represented 15% and the oldest
group
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 (
age
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 over 60) had the lowest percentage of
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population
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the population
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. It is easy to gather that adults (
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 between 20 and 39) and the next
age
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 category(
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age
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ages
show examples
 between 40 and 59) will show
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing amount of percentage of
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population
Add an article
the population
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(74%) in 2050, even though a figure
of
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for
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 adults
group
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 will decrease slightly to 29%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the data clearly shows that adolescents will decline dramatically to 7%
while
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 the oldest
group
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 almost will double (19%) during the same time period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the economically active
population
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 (
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age
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ages
show examples
 between 20 and 59) will continuously demonstrate
notable
Correct article usage
a notable
show examples
 amount of
population
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 in 2050.
However
Linking Words
, there will be
striking
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the striking
a striking
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 difference in
percentage
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the percentage
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 of the youngest and the oldest
age
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Use synonyms
group
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groups
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 in 2050 compared to
in
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apply
show examples
2000.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, group, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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