Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

There has been a divergence
about
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in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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belief in the staple reason
of
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for
show examples
crime
since several years ago. Some
people
believe that the most significant reason
of
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for
show examples
crime
is related to a
person’s
financial condition.
However
, there is
also
an opinion that the staple
cause
of it is influenced by
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
nature
. Extensive research has not been able to
conclud
Correct your spelling
conclude
a definite answer about the
cause
of
crime
.
To begin
with, there is a belief that
people
end up committing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
because of their poverty.
People
in need tend to
exposure
Verb problem
be exposed
show examples
of
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to
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temptation
Correct article usage
the temptation
show examples
of a
crime
since they aspire to earn lots of money easily so, they
are naturally do
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naturally do
show examples
gamblings,
durgs
Correct your spelling
drugs
, and
theif
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theft
.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
of
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by
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the Institute of
Crime
in Korea reported that a majority of
crime
was taken by poor households for several years.
This
clearly shows that there is a strong correlation between
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
and poverty. Meanwhile, psychologists argue that
people
’s
nature
is the main
cause
of crimes because there are inmates’ specific features and characteristics. Criminals can not control their negative
impurse
Correct your spelling
impulses
.
For example
, when
people
see a store
openned
Correct your spelling
opened
without an
owener
Correct your spelling
owner
, most of them will not enter there.
However
, some
people
have
strong
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a strong
show examples
curiosity and feel
Change the article
the urge
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urge
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urged
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to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steal something precious in
this
sotre
Correct your spelling
store
. Psychologists believe that there are differences in
nature
between normal
people
and criminals, so they argue that
nature
is the strongest
cause
which
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
a
person’s
crime
.
To sum up
, those two arguments are still ongoing and there are not still clear answers about the main
cause
of
crime
.
However
, I believe in
correlation
Add an article
the correlation
a correlation
show examples
between
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
nature
and
crime
more since every poor
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not commit a
crime
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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Specific Examples
Ensure your examples are detailed and relevant to strengthen your arguments.
Introduction/Conclusion
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion to more effectively frame your essay and summarize your perspective.
Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors that can disrupt the flow of your writing.
Cohesion
Consider improving the transition between paragraphs for smoother flow and clearer argument progression.
Vocabulary
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the expression of your ideas.
Logical Structure
You provided a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion to summarize your stance.
Introduction/Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear statement of the essay topic and your opinion.
Task Response
You explored both perspectives on the causes of crime, satisfying the task's requirement.
Coherence
Your essay maintains coherence with a logical flow of ideas and arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economically disadvantaged
  • necessities
  • societal factors
  • external circumstances
  • criminal activities
  • intrinsic characteristics
  • personality traits
  • moral beliefs
  • psychological conditions
  • predisposed
  • personal choice
  • responsibility
  • profound impact
  • circumstances
  • attributes
  • behavior
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