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Writing Samples
Band 5

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #background #person #nature
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There has been a divergence
about
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in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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belief in the staple reason
of
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for
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 since several years ago. Some
people
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 believe that the most significant reason
of
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for
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 is related to a
person’s
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 financial condition.
However
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, there is
also
Linking Words
 an opinion that the staple
cause
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 of it is influenced by
Use synonyms
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
. Extensive research has not been able to
conclud
Correct your spelling
conclude
 a definite answer about the
cause
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 of
crime
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.
To begin
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 with, there is a belief that
people
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 end up committing
a
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 because of their poverty.
People
Use synonyms
 in need tend to
exposure
Verb problem
be exposed
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of
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to
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temptation
Correct article usage
the temptation
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 of a
crime
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 since they aspire to earn lots of money easily so, they
are naturally do
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naturally do
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 gamblings,
durgs
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drugs
, and
theif
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theft
.
For example
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
of
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by
show examples
 the Institute of
Crime
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 in Korea reported that a majority of
crime
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 was taken by poor households for several years.
This
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 clearly shows that there is a strong correlation between
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 and poverty. Meanwhile, psychologists argue that
people
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’s
nature
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 is the main
cause
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 of crimes because there are inmates’ specific features and characteristics. Criminals can not control their negative
impurse
Correct your spelling
impulses
.
For example
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, when
people
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 see a store
openned
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opened
 without an
owener
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owner
, most of them will not enter there.
However
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, some
people
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 have
strong
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a strong
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 curiosity and feel
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the urge
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urge
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urged
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steal something precious in
this
Linking Words
sotre
Correct your spelling
store
. Psychologists believe that there are differences in
nature
Use synonyms
 between normal
people
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 and criminals, so they argue that
nature
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 is the strongest
cause
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 which
influence
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influences
show examples
 a
person’s
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crime
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.
To sum up
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, those two arguments are still ongoing and there are not still clear answers about the main
cause
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 of
crime
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.
However
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, I believe in
correlation
Add an article
the correlation
a correlation
show examples
 between
Use synonyms
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 and
crime
Use synonyms
 more since every poor
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not commit a
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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Specific Examples
Ensure your examples are detailed and relevant to strengthen your arguments.
Introduction/Conclusion
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion to more effectively frame your essay and summarize your perspective.
Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors that can disrupt the flow of your writing.
Cohesion
Consider improving the transition between paragraphs for smoother flow and clearer argument progression.
Vocabulary
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the expression of your ideas.
Logical Structure
You provided a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion to summarize your stance.
Introduction/Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear statement of the essay topic and your opinion.
Task Response
You explored both perspectives on the causes of crime, satisfying the task's requirement.
Coherence
Your essay maintains coherence with a logical flow of ideas and arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economically disadvantaged
  • necessities
  • societal factors
  • external circumstances
  • criminal activities
  • intrinsic characteristics
  • personality traits
  • moral beliefs
  • psychological conditions
  • predisposed
  • personal choice
  • responsibility
  • profound impact
  • circumstances
  • attributes
  • behavior
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