Topic: In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It has always been a controversial issue whether lots of pupils are fat as they are keen on eating unhealthy
food
in some countries, thus
fast food
court
should be banned at Fix the agreement mistake
courts
schools
to tackle this
problem. In my opinion, however
we Add the comma(s)
however,
are not allow
to prevent students’ rights, these kinds of methods have to Change the verb form
are not allowed
done
at Add a missing verb
be done
schools
.
To embark on
, Individuals have the same right that nobody cannot deny Change preposition
apply
it
even for selecting Correct pronoun usage
apply
meal
. Correct article usage
a meal
In other words
, the more you prevent children to do not
Verb problem
from
follow
one special way, the more bad effects will happen; Wrong verb form
following
therefore
, they are so adventurous and want to try new things. For example
, if you do not let them to
eat fast Change the verb form
apply
food
at schools
, they will probably eat it when they leave the classes.
The number of obese students Fix the agreement mistake
school
are being kept
Wrong verb form
is
increasingly
by eating inconvenient meals so managers and teachers have to avoid them to eat fast foods whenever they are at Change the word
increasing
schools
. Fix the agreement mistake
school
In other words
, disadvantages
of fast Correct article usage
the disadvantages
food
is
tangible Change the verb form
are
as a result
people will be affected various
sicknesses after using them. Change preposition
by various
For instance
, according to
latest
news more than 76 Correct article usage
the latest
percent
of teenagers Change the spelling
per cent
suffering
from obesity and heart illness around the world because they do not have appropriate Wrong verb form
suffer
meal’s
Change noun form
meal
program
.
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
To conclude
, new
generation Add an article
the new
a new
are
becoming more fat by eating fast Change the verb form
is
food
; hence
, it is a good idea to ban the school canteen in these countries. I personally believe that the important
of using these Replace the word
importance
food
can lead to some harmful effects.Fix the agreement mistake
foods
Submitted by abhari1997 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay presents a well-balanced debate for both sides before drawing your conclusion. This helps in fully addressing the prompt.
Language
Use a wider range of vocabulary to make your argument more persuasive and to better demonstrate your language skills. Avoid repeating words where possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by better organizing your paragraphs. Start with a clear topic sentence, follow with supporting details, and conclude each paragraph with a statement that ties back to your main argument.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and data to back up your points. This increases the persuasiveness of your argument.
Positive Aspect
Your conclusion succinctly restates your viewpoint, providing a clear stance on the issue.
Positive Aspect
You engaged with the topic throughout the essay and attempted to address the prompt directly.