IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart illustrates the differences in people's coffee and tea purchasing and drinking habits in five Australis cities.

The bar chart illustrates the differences in people's coffee and tea purchasing and drinking habits in five Australis cities.
The bar chart illustrates the differences in people's
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 purchasing and drinking habits in five Australis
cities
Use synonyms
. City residents' habits in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart were silimar. In the three
cities
Use synonyms
, most people liked going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, taking up over 60%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the least popular in the three
cities
Use synonyms
, particularly in Hobart, where less than 40%
citizens
Change preposition
of citizens
show examples
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it was noticeable that the gap
bewteen
Correct your spelling
between
 buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 weeks and going to
cofe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month was wide, all over one in ten.
However
Linking Words
, the distinction in Brisbane and Adelaide was much less, below 5%.
Besides
Linking Words
, the percentage of individuals consuming fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month in the two
cities
Use synonyms
 was almost equal, at just under 35%, significantly smaller than the other two
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 of people buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in all five
cities
Use synonyms
, the least proportion of residents purchased fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, cities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "differences" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: