some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether
people
becoming more independent or dependent on other individuals is a highly subjective discussion point.
However
, from prior experience, it is more clear to know that
people
are becoming more dependent
due to
living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, despite those who believe that
people
are more autonomous to become mature. It must be understood that
people
’s dependence is more developed.
This
is
due to
living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. With
this
in mind,
people
who live in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
modern era rely on their facilities, giving them a chance to become lazy and dependent on everything.
As a result
,
people
today easily depend on somebody, especially their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
or family.
Thus
, making city life more passive.
However
, some
people
think that
people
are becoming more autonomous
such
as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
their own company or money. There is
belief
Add an article
the belief
a belief
show examples
that children are encouraged to learn autonomous skills to use when they are mature. They are right to a certain extent, but these skills can
also
be discovered at schools through extra-curricular activities like art, music and sport, so it
relied
Wrong verb form
relies
show examples
on
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
schedule. From
this
writer’s experience,
people
more dependent because they are lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence.
This
can be seen that children today are shy and rely on their parents too much. A personal example is children who were born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
rich
Add an article
the rich
show examples
family live in
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
, they
dependent
Add a missing verb
are dependent
show examples
on everything
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their family.
Hence
, they build a dependent
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
until their parents cannot help them so they might become
to depend
Verb problem
dependent
show examples
on each other. In conclusion,
this
essay has shown
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the main factors which impact upon
dependent
Add an article
the dependent
show examples
lifestyle of
people
today.
Therefore
,
people
who rely on each other
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more popular than mature
people
.
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Introduction Development
Consider developing your introduction more by clearly stating both viewpoints and your opinion.
Develop Examples
Try to provide more precise examples to support your arguments, which will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
Paragraphing and Transition
Ensure a clearer distinction between paragraphs by sticking to one main idea per paragraph and using transition phrases for smoother flow.
Conclusion Enhancement
In the conclusion, more explicitly restate your viewpoint and summarize the main points discussed to reinforce your argument effectively.
Balanced Discussion
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Structural Coherence
The essay has a coherent structure with a beginning, middle, and end, aiding understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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