some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Whether
people
becoming more independent or dependent on other individuals is a highly subjective discussion point. However
, from prior experience, it is more clear to know that people
are becoming more dependent due to
living condition
, despite those who believe that Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
people
are more autonomous to become mature.
It must be understood that people
’s dependence is more developed. This
is due to
living condition
. With Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
this
in mind, people
who live in a
modern era rely on their facilities, giving them a chance to become lazy and dependent on everything. Correct article usage
the
As a result
, people
today easily depend on somebody, especially their parent
or family. Fix the agreement mistake
parents
Thus
, making city life more passive.
However
, some people
think that people
are becoming more autonomous such
as make
their own company or money. There is Wrong verb form
making
belief
that children are encouraged to learn autonomous skills to use when they are mature. They are right to a certain extent, but these skills can Add an article
the belief
a belief
also
be discovered at schools through extra-curricular activities like art, music and sport, so it relied
on Wrong verb form
relies
school
schedule.
From Correct article usage
the school
this
writer’s experience, people
more dependent because they are lack of
confidence. Change preposition
apply
This
can be seen that children today are shy and rely on their parents too much. A personal example is children who were born in
Change preposition
into
rich
family live in Add an article
the rich
city
, they Add an article
the city
a city
dependent
on everything Add a missing verb
are dependent
of
their family. Change preposition
in
Hence
, they build a dependent life style
until their parents cannot help them so they might become Correct your spelling
lifestyle
to depend
on each other.
In conclusion, Verb problem
dependent
this
essay has shown that
the main factors which impact upon Correct word choice
apply
dependent
lifestyle of Add an article
the dependent
people
today. Therefore
, people
who rely on each other is
more popular than mature Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction Development
Consider developing your introduction more by clearly stating both viewpoints and your opinion.
Develop Examples
Try to provide more precise examples to support your arguments, which will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
Paragraphing and Transition
Ensure a clearer distinction between paragraphs by sticking to one main idea per paragraph and using transition phrases for smoother flow.
Conclusion Enhancement
In the conclusion, more explicitly restate your viewpoint and summarize the main points discussed to reinforce your argument effectively.
Balanced Discussion
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Structural Coherence
The essay has a coherent structure with a beginning, middle, and end, aiding understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?