some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Whether
people
becoming more independent or dependent on other individuals is a highly subjective discussion point. Use synonyms
However
, from prior experience, it is more clear to know that Linking Words
people
are becoming more dependent Use synonyms
due to
living Linking Words
condition
, despite those who believe that Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
people
are more autonomous to become mature.
It must be understood that Use synonyms
people
’s dependence is more developed. Use synonyms
This
is Linking Words
due to
living Linking Words
condition
. With Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
this
in mind, Linking Words
people
who live in Use synonyms
a
modern era rely on their facilities, giving them a chance to become lazy and dependent on everything. Correct article usage
the
As a result
, Linking Words
people
today easily depend on somebody, especially their Use synonyms
parent
or family. Fix the agreement mistake
parents
Thus
, making city life more passive.
Linking Words
However
, some Linking Words
people
think that Use synonyms
people
are becoming more autonomous Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
make
their own company or money. There is Wrong verb form
making
belief
that children are encouraged to learn autonomous skills to use when they are mature. They are right to a certain extent, but these skills can Add an article
the belief
a belief
also
be discovered at schools through extra-curricular activities like art, music and sport, so it Linking Words
relied
on Wrong verb form
relies
school
schedule.
From Correct article usage
the school
this
writer’s experience, Linking Words
people
more dependent because they are lack Use synonyms
of
confidence. Change preposition
apply
This
can be seen that children today are shy and rely on their parents too much. A personal example is children who were born Linking Words
in
Change preposition
into
rich
family live in Add an article
the rich
city
, they Add an article
the city
a city
dependent
on everything Add a missing verb
are dependent
of
their family. Change preposition
in
Hence
, they build a dependent Linking Words
life style
until their parents cannot help them so they might become Correct your spelling
lifestyle
to depend
on each other.
In conclusion, Verb problem
dependent
this
essay has shown Linking Words
that
the main factors which impact upon Correct word choice
apply
dependent
lifestyle of Add an article
the dependent
people
today. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
people
who rely on each other Use synonyms
is
more popular than mature Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
.Use synonyms
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Introduction Development
Consider developing your introduction more by clearly stating both viewpoints and your opinion.
Develop Examples
Try to provide more precise examples to support your arguments, which will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
Paragraphing and Transition
Ensure a clearer distinction between paragraphs by sticking to one main idea per paragraph and using transition phrases for smoother flow.
Conclusion Enhancement
In the conclusion, more explicitly restate your viewpoint and summarize the main points discussed to reinforce your argument effectively.
Balanced Discussion
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Structural Coherence
The essay has a coherent structure with a beginning, middle, and end, aiding understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?