some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. others believe people people have become more independent. discuss both views and give tour own opinion.

It is often said that
rencently
Correct your spelling
recently
, many people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
count on others
while
a majority of residents believe that individuals have turned
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more individualistic.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
the writer's point of view, some teenagers tend to rely on
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
,
this
situation become popular,
however
,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
must have
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
family. Generally speaking, students and undergraduates usually have the expenditure by the supply of the adults. The money given must
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
for school
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, food or clothes
while
the
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
ages should have the wrong thinking
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
the things they get
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficiency.
For instance
, in 2020 some children did not
realised
Wrong verb form
realise
show examples
the severe issue of
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money,
tended
Correct word choice
and tended
show examples
to waste currency
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lots
a lot
show examples
and the result of
this
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
that made the economy of the family significantly
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
.
In contrast
, some students live far from home and start to set up
their’s
Change noun form
their
show examples
own
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
can be a good idea
due to
the independence and the experiences. Looking at the advantages that, turning into separate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
family can help children become mature and good at solving issues.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
living and studying in other places need to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways to protect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
safe so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females should learn to behave. The author of
this
essay
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
the idea of becoming more
autonomy
Replace the word
autonomous
show examples
to accumulate the ways of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Moreover
, the opportunities can be
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
to the people who can
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
give the solution. Taking everything into account, people can
also
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
get benefits in both living
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
on family and independence.
However
, the
ecouragement
Correct your spelling
encouragement
of living
indualistic
Correct your spelling
in dualistic
dualistic
in-dualistic
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
given by the writer to all the
teeangers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
to have more chances of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay covers the topic but needs clearer structure. Consider having distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs to enhance readability.
cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, transition words should be used more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
examples
Regarding task achievement, ensure your examples are relevant and directly support your main ideas. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
clarity
Work on clarifying your viewpoint and thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader through your discussion and conclusion.
specificity
Avoid generalizations and strive for more specific arguments and examples that clearly support your views.
engagement
You have engaged with the topic and provided viewpoints for both sides of the argument, highlighting your understanding of the question.
examples
You attempted to use examples to support your points, showing an effort to achieve task response requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: