IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more importtant to give all their time and attention to studying for a qulification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #importtant #time #attention #qulification
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Nowadays, many
people
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 in over the
world
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 special a
lot
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 of time using social
media
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 to keep in touch with other
people
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 and get news events. In
this
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 writer will talk about the advantages that outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
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, using social
media
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 will have many benefits like gaining a
lot
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 of knowledge of the
information
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 on over the
world
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 can understanding and catching up on a
lot
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 of trends or events on the
world
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.
For example
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, the chairman can persuade all staff and control social
media
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 or he can talk to them about some of the new events of his company.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, now have a
lot
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 of financial benefits so most
people
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 use it for shopping online or to find some work with a high salary on other websites.
Secondly
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, for education,
students
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 can use social
media
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 to study online at home, do not go out if they cannot or they must at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
students
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 can use that for chatting with friends or
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
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 with some games on the internet.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
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 must study online when COVID-19 appear in over the
world
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 or to relax, after 1 week to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 hard, and at the weekend
students
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 can play more games. With a
lot
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 of advantages
will
Correct pronoun usage
there will
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 be disadvantages like some websites can have false
information
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 which is effected for children and will make them do wrong actions but will have different solutions that can help them like choosing true
information
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 with
resort like
Add a hyphen
resort-like
show examples
 famous scientists to read. In conclusion, using social
media
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 will have more advantages for finances or education but will appear disadvantages which
people
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 do not want so must choose true resort
information
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 by reading
in
Change preposition
on
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website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
.
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task response
In your essay, you mentioned many advantages of using social media, which is great. However, the task was to discuss the views on university students studying other subjects aside from their main fields. It seems there was a misunderstanding of the topic. Make sure to carefully read and address the given task directly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has logical structure, but it can be significantly improved by organizing ideas more clearly and transitioning smoothly between them. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and use linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task response
To strengthen your essay, back up your points with more specific examples and evidence. While you did mention examples, providing more detailed and relevant examples directly related to the main topic will enhance the clarity and impact of your argument.
topic exploration
You demonstrated a good effort to discuss the advantages of a topic, showing a willingness to explore ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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