Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more importtant to give all their time and attention to studying for a qulification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many
people
in over the world
special a lot
of time using social media
to keep in touch with other people
and get news events. In this
writer will talk about the advantages that outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, using social media
will have many benefits like gaining a lot
of knowledge of the information
on over the world
can understanding and catching up on a lot
of trends or events on the world
. For example
, the chairman can persuade all staff and control social media
or he can talk to them about some of the new events of his company. Furthermore
, now have a lot
of financial benefits so most people
use it for shopping online or to find some work with a high salary on other websites.
Secondly
, for education, students
can use social media
to study online at home, do not go out if they cannot or they must at home. Moreover
, some students
can use that for chatting with friends or relax
with some games on the internet. Wrong verb form
relaxing
For example
, students
must study online when COVID-19 appear in over the world
or to relax, after 1 week to study
hard, and at the weekend Wrong verb form
studying
students
can play more games.
With a lot
of advantages will
be disadvantages like some websites can have false Correct pronoun usage
there will
information
which is effected for children and will make them do wrong actions but will have different solutions that can help them like choosing true information
with resort like
famous scientists to read.
In conclusion, using social Add a hyphen
resort-like
media
will have more advantages for finances or education but will appear disadvantages which people
do not want so must choose true resort information
by reading in
Change preposition
on
website
.Fix the agreement mistake
websites
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task response
In your essay, you mentioned many advantages of using social media, which is great. However, the task was to discuss the views on university students studying other subjects aside from their main fields. It seems there was a misunderstanding of the topic. Make sure to carefully read and address the given task directly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has logical structure, but it can be significantly improved by organizing ideas more clearly and transitioning smoothly between them. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and use linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task response
To strengthen your essay, back up your points with more specific examples and evidence. While you did mention examples, providing more detailed and relevant examples directly related to the main topic will enhance the clarity and impact of your argument.
topic exploration
You demonstrated a good effort to discuss the advantages of a topic, showing a willingness to explore ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.