Some people think that secondary or highschool student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important lifeskill. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Learning money management at an early age can help students make informed financial decisions in the future.
Accordingly
,a few people believe that budgeting should be taught from school time,i personally agree that this
can significantly help youngsters,so this
essay will discuss this
point of view in detail.
To commence,having a knowledge of managing money from childhood can be very beneficial for youths in many ways.To prove this
,a recent news
from AmericaRemove the article
recent news
a piece of recent news
,
has reported that Remove the comma
apply
those student
who
have learned various strategies Change the determiner
that student
those students
of
handling money , not only are more successful in their job,but Change preposition
for
also
have better lifestyle,which ,means that this
can be definitely effective in their future career.
On the other side,this
phenomenon can be efficient on
the reduction of poverty,victims and other social issues as well.As an example ,Change preposition
in
according to
report
from Add an article
a report
underpriviledges
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
organization
,the most
murder and poverty Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
has
caused Change the verb form
have
from
students Change preposition
by
which
have a lack of budget in their family,so to prevent Correct pronoun usage
who
from
more social issues there must be some lessons at school for being Change preposition
apply
financialy
independent.
To summarize,as people reckon that there must be some training about financial aspects,in my
Correct your spelling
financially
view
Capitalize word
View
this
can be really useful for youngsters in many ways that was
mentioned ,in their future career,
lifestyle,decrease of murder and poverty in the society.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by Elisa on
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Comprehensive Development
Your essay has a well-structured argument where the introduction and conclusion tie together nicely, effectively presenting your opinion on the importance of learning money management. However, it'd be beneficial to further develop your main points with more diverse and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
Clarity and Accuracy
Consider revising for clarity and accuracy in your sentences. Simplifying complex sentence structures or rephrasing for clarity could make your essay easier to follow and strengthen your argument.
Example Specificity
While you provide examples to support your views, incorporating a wider range of evidence or elaborating on the examples given with more specific details could enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Linking Ideas
Your essay demonstrates a good use of cohesion through the clear progression of ideas. To further enhance coherence, try to link your ideas more explicitly and use transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Successfully introduces and concludes the topic, affirming your position and providing a brief overview of your argument.
Supported Main Points
Main points are supported and relevant to the thesis, effectively contributing to the overall argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.