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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the word. What are your opinions on this:

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #word
It is thought by some people that
games
 which contain violent content lead to criminal actions in many major cities around the world
while
 others believe that they are not relevant. In the following paragraphs, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, it is true that violent
games
 can affect their players to commit crimes.
For instance
, the well-known
game
 so-called "GTA" comprises many violence
such
 as shooting people, driving without traffic awareness, killing, burglary, etc. When players ever-more spend their time in
this
game
, they will get familiar with these actions which in turn some of them want to commit
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in real life.
Moreover
, fewer
game
 contents are related to a heist and the maps inside these
games
 are
also
 designed following the actual city.
Thus
, criminals
such
 as robbers can use it as a preliminary study and find their escape routes before robbing.
On the other hand
, some
games
 have limited player's age accessibility when the
games
 start. Players need to input their birthdates and the
game
 will check whether it is higher than its restriction or not.
Additionally
, these days, a significant number of families
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 rules about playing
games
 for their kids.
For example
, playing time or
game
 genres. If the
games
 contain violent actions, parents may reduce the playtime or stop their offspring from playing these
games
.
Overall
, some
games
 have negative effects on new generations.
However
, there are still a lot of
games
 that can offer benefits to children and help them to develop and enhance their abilities and knowledge. It is the parent's responsibility to advise and supervise their descendants about its contents.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
While your response provides a well-structured argument with clear views on both sides of the topic, remember to state your conclusion more decisively to strengthen the task response
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the flow of your essay. This includes varying your connectors and transitions for a more sophisticated structure.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, ensure that your examples directly support your main points. While your examples are relevant, making a more direct link to how they support your argument could be beneficial.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively used a mix of general statements and specific examples to support your argument, adding credibility to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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