IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bart chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The bart chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
#bart #information #families #country #income #features #comparison
The bar graph below
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of money consumed in a variety of fields, which took place in one country that started in 1968 until 2018. At first glance at the line graph, nutrients approximately equal
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 third of their incomes in the first
year
. Another noticeable feature, household products remained stable during the whole period. Interestingly, food dramatically increased by the end of the study.
To begin
 with, in 1968,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure goods
overcome
Wrong verb form
overcame
show examples
 the percentage of the same category in 2018,
while
 food
mostly
Add a missing verb
was mostly
show examples
 consumed during the same
year
.
In addition
, housing, transport, and leisure, in 2018m
equaled
Change the spelling
equalled
show examples
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 percentage
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the
former
Correct word choice
previous
show examples
year
.
Moreover
, personal goods, fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
, and clothing in the first
year
 were more
demanded
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 second one.
Additionally
, both the percentages were swing during
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both years.
Also
, on
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, food reached its peak in 1968.
On the other hand
, leisure
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest point in 2018.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!