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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The diagrams below show a community center's changes in the last ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show a community center's changes in the last ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #community #center #changes #ten #years #information #features #comparisons
The given diagram illustrates the changes that the community center
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
undergoed
Correct your spelling
undergone
show examples
 in the past 10 years. As it might be seen, the changes were quite
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
drastically
, since not only almost all rooms were shifted, but
also
 the new
were
Correct pronoun usage
ones were
show examples
 added. The diagram clearly Indicates that 10 years ago the quantity of the indoors outnumbered the recent number of them. It is associated with the fact, that now
instead
 of the offices and a storage room, there is a big cafeteria. It is
also
 easily
spoted
Correct your spelling
spotted
, that as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passed, the parking area remained
it's
Correct your spelling
in's
show examples
 position
as well as
hall
Correct article usage
the hall
show examples
, kitchen and the entrance. Delving into more details, it can be noticed that the number of office rooms was drastically reduced from 4 rooms which were to the right of the hall to 1 room only, which is located before the hall.
Also
, the garden was abolished and
instead
 of
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 indoor sports room. It seems that there was a positive impact on the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 workers' productivity, since now it is more
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
 to work
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 it used to be.
Submitted by katerina21.05 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, instead".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community center
  • renovation
  • layout
  • features
  • modifications
  • additions
  • facilities
  • functionality
  • accessibility
  • sustainable initiatives
  • eco-friendly
  • development
  • functional improvements
  • visual enhancements
  • local population
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