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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates how changed the number of smoking adult men in seven geographic regions during
Correct article usage
a ten-years
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ten-years
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ten-year
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 period of time and compares the data to the global statistics. The data is presented in
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 from the total population and
depicted
Wrong verb form
depicts
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 information about 2000 and 2015.
Overall
, the general trend shows
reduction
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a reduction
the reduction
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 in number of the
smoke
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smoked
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 males during the decade with disparity between the countries. In 2000, the world's
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 of smoking men accounted for approximately four to ten,
while
 in Armenia
these category
Change the determiner
this category
these categories
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 reached six and a half. Bangladesh
registrated
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registered
 roughly 60 per cent and Cuba made up slightly above 50%. The rest of the presented countries were below the
wold's
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world's
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avarege
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average
,
comprised
Wrong verb form
comprising
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 approximately a third of
total
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the total
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 population in Egypt, Levanon and Mexico. The
smolest
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smallest
simplest
 percentages were
regestered
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registered
 in Australia, less than 30%. In 2015, the world
avarage
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average
 of
male
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males
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 who smoked reduced by around 5%. The same trend followed Armenia, Bangladesh, Mexico and Australia,
Correct pronoun usage
which droped
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droped
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dropped
 by 10%, 20%, 15% and 10% respectively. Cuba experienced the reduction as well, albeit not as
sharped
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sharp
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 as the aforementioned regions,
acounted
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accounted
 for three percent only. In
starking
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stark
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 contrast, in Egypt and Levanon the proportion of smoking
grown up
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grown-up
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 men rose
substantialy
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substantially
,
surpassed
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surpassing
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the
wold's
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world's
show examples
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 by 17% and 10% respectively.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduction" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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