The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015.
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The chart illustrates how changed the number of smoking adult men in seven geographic regions during
ten-year
Add an article
the ten-year

The noun phrase ten-year period seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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period and compares the data to the global statistics. The data is presented in percentages from the total population and depicts information about 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the general trend shows
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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reduction in number of the mature smoked males during the decade with disparity between the countries. In 2000, the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's average of smoking men accounted for approximately four to ten,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in Armenia
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

category reached six and a half. Bangladesh registered roughly 60 per cent and Cuba made up slightly above 50%. The rest of the presented countries were below the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's average, comprising approximately a third of the total population in Egypt, Levanon and Mexico. The smallest percentages were registered in Australia, less than 30%. In 2015, the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

average of males who smoked reduced by around 5%. The same trend followed Armenia, Bangladesh, Mexico and Australia,
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb dropped. Consider changing it.

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by 10%, 20%, 15% and 10% respectively. Cuba experienced
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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reduction as well, albeit not as sharp as the aforementioned regions,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb accounted. Consider changing it.

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for three percent only. In stark contrast, in Egypt and Levanon the proportion of smoking grown-up men rose substantially, surpassing the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's average by 17% and 10% respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words world with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reduction" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • adult male smokers
  • world average
  • time frame
  • notable differences
  • trends
  • reductions
  • increases
  • smoking rates
  • global smoking trends
  • insights
  • summarize
  • overall trends
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