IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day.

#plan #health #centre #b #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The plans illustrate the development of a
health
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 from 2005 to the present day.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 some major changes have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken place to the
health
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
. First of all, the only room which remained unchanged in
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
 since 2005 is
physiotherapy
Correct article usage
the physiotherapy
show examples
 room. There is an extra minor operations room being added next to it,
thus
Linking Words
 the size of the garden has decreased. In the present day, there are more seats available to the patients than that in 2005.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are 4 consulting rooms now compared to that in the year 2005 which had only 3 rooms. The main entrance is, noticeably, shifted to the bottom left corner of the
health
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 with
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
show examples
 children's play area. The reception desk is now placed near the entrance which is opposite of children's play area.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the car park slots have been increased to 30 spaces in the present day from only 12 spaces in the year 2005.
Submitted by yulyawashington on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay comprehensively covers all significant changes between the two plans. It’s beneficial to explicitly mention any facilities that may have disappeared or significantly altered in function, alongside the developments mentioned.
Task Achievement
Improve on essay structure by including a clear conclusion that summarizes the main changes and possibly provides an observation or implication of these changes.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on smoothly linking your sentences and paragraphs with a variety of connectors and transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary specific to developments and constructions to enrich your description and make your response more engaging.
Task Achievement
You have effectively outlined the key changes that took place, making it easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and overview are clear, providing a good foundation for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health centre
  • renovation
  • modernization
  • layout
  • consultation rooms
  • treatment rooms
  • pharmacy
  • accessibility
  • parking facilities
  • disabled access
  • technological advancements
  • preventive care
  • rehabilitation services
  • administrative offices
  • community needs
  • public health policy
  • expansion
  • reduction
  • entrance area
What to do next:
Look at other essays: