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Band 6

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tools. others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of videogames outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tools #effect #videogames
The benefits and drawbacks of playing
video
games
 have been the topic of many ongoing debates. There are groups of
people
 who hold the idea that
video
games
 are safe and sometimes educationally beneficial.
However
, others believe playing
video
games
 has a detrimental influence on the players. Keeping everything in consideration, I believe that engaging in these
games
 can be more harmful than advantageous.
Video
games
 can provide the player with experiences they never get to have in real
life
.
Meaning
Wrong verb form
This means
show examples
 that engaging in various experiences in a virtual
world
 can result in learners being exposed to situations they never would have the opportunity to be a part of in real
life
. An instance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 can be a person fighting wars and saving
people
 which can be counted as a very rare happening in real
life
 but quite frequent in the
world
 of
games
. The mentioned feature of
video
games
 can result in
people
 being
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 and against the idea of being a part of
video
games
.
People
 who state their consent towards
this
 fact argue that humans live a very limited
life
 and
video
games
 provide us with the opportunity of overcoming our limitations and learning new things
while
 experiencing.
On the other hand
, The
people
 who are against
this
 idea express their disagreement towards the fact that the
world
 of
video
games
 is not real and the experiences they offer are not authentic.
Therefore
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 our best bet to invest in living a full
life
 in the real
world
. All things being said, it goes without saying that playing
video
games
 has many benefits and drawbacks one of which
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 engaging in an environment which is not authentic. I personally believe that living a full
life
 in the real
world
 is more advantageous than playing
viedo
Correct your spelling
video
games
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to structure your essays with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to maintain strong coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, consider integrating more specific examples and evidence to support your stance on the topic. This practice will enhance the overall quality of your task response.
Task Achievement
Mind the balance between discussing both views before presenting your opinion. This ensures a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
Effective introduction of the topic and a balanced consideration of different perspectives.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear organization and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views, reinforcing the essay's coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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