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Band 4.5

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends
The main focus of school
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 and
examnination
Correct your spelling
examination
 without
another skills
Replace the adjective
another skill
other skills
show examples
such
 as cooking, dressmaking and woodwork because
these
Change the determiner
this skill
these skills
show examples
skill
 was a role of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
. From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 I agree
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 idea
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons,described in the following
paraagraph
Correct your spelling
paragraph
paragraphs
. On the one hand, Schools should focus only the
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 and
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
 because the
time
 in school
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 limited,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have the
time
 in school only 7 hours. There are many subjects for study
such
 as
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
,
chemical
Replace the word
chemistry
show examples
,
physical
Replace the word
physics
show examples
 and
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
.
Moreover
, these
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 have many
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
show examples
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Additionally
, some
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 unnecessary for them.
For example
, woodwork because the wood can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for a long
time
 because it is very strong without fixing and when children want a new wood chair or table, they can buy from the carpenter without doing
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
 themselves.
On the other hand
, the
student's
Change noun form
students'
show examples
time
 after
comeback
Correct your spelling
coming back
show examples
 to their home
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many hours until they
sleeping
Wrong verb form
sleep
show examples
. So, the children can learn many
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 with their parents, there are many benefits to kids
such
 as using the
time
 with parents together,
this activities
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 can build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong relationship of
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
.
Study
Wrong verb form
Studying
show examples
 some skills at home will give the data to parents
which
Change preposition
on which
show examples
 skills children are pain
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
.
Thus
,
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 and mother can
developing
Change the verb form
develop
be developing
show examples
 that
skill
 to be strong and get rid of pain
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
. In conclusion, I personally
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 viewpoint because it seems to me that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 some
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other skills
show examples
skill
 at home outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by kran0630482559 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing clearer and more logical connections between your ideas. This will strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a well-defined introduction and conclusion to frame your essay more effectively. This helps in setting the stage for your arguments and summarizing your viewpoint clearly.
task achievement
Support your main points with more varied and detailed examples. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
general
Carefully check your essay for grammatical errors and typos to improve readability. Minor inaccuracies in language can distract from your overall message.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to organize your essay into paragraphs, showing an understanding of essay structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
What to do next:
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