IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that
music
Use synonyms
 can be
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
 way to connect
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 with various cultures and ages together. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
faster
Verb problem
forming faster
show examples
bond
Check wording
bonds
show examples
 of relationships with any culture and ages.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 can
be improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 connections with their friends, dudes who live
in the
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad or
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
 particular places
such
Linking Words
 as it does not matter which culture
they have and which
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 age group. In
this
Linking Words
 paragraph, I
light
Verb problem
focus
show examples
 on
music
Use synonyms
 which bring to
people
Use synonyms
 relying on each other, fostering friendship and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 connections.
Music
Use synonyms
 can develop our mood, broaden
horizon
Correct determiner usage
our horizon
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it i s a good way of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 of fostering morality who
people
Use synonyms
 feel good and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their self-confidence. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they can learn some idioms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 listening
Use synonyms
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion which there are
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot of
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
 in comparison to cons.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say why you agree, and keep this same idea in all parts.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. For example, say how a song helps young and old people sing together at a family event.
task response
Make each main idea easy to see. Write one idea in one paragraph, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, 2 body parts, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like also, for example, because, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You try to explain how music helps people feel close.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, a middle part, and an ending idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like moreover and in addition.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: