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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern technology has become an important part of peoples lives around the world . Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #part #peoples #lives #world #outweigh
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Whether state-of-the-art high-tech plays an important role in the life of people all over the world.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
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 writer of
essay
Correct determiner usage
this essay
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 believes
that
Change preposition
in
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 the necessity of
technology
 , I would agree that the benefits of
this
 outweigh these perceived drawbacks. One of the main disadvantages of
technology
 is time-consuming to with deal problems and solve them perfectly and effectively.
In other words
, the immense details which humans need are
knowledge
 or information ,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 so a challenge to tackle with communities.
Whereas
, the robot or machine can be given the best answer in a little time.From prior
knowledge
, many scientists in England had the experiment in 2004, with the competition of chess with the best player in the world and Sonic , the robot of chess. The result is robot win easily and the energy of
this
 is powerful. Another point to consider is modern
technology
 has a big impact on healthcare. It must be recognised that lots of equipment of health had correctly of 95%. Some facilities or machinery devices can follow and report the condition of patients who use it.
As a result
, the rate of infection
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increases
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. Thereby, devices of modern automation contribute and help people
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the issue of healthcare.
However
 , the main drawbacks associated with technical
knowledge
 are related to replacing humans. Many researchers consider that in the future, the rate of unemployment will surge
due to
 a range of robotics software which works efficiently and is more convenient.
This
 may be true , but if humans concentrate develop about the ability of
knowledge
 , none of the devices can change them in the future. Taking all points into account , the negative impact of mechanization is outweighed by the benefits and advantages of telecommunications.
Hence
, modern
technology
 has more benefits for healthcare
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Introduction Enhancement
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your view on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages. Including a thesis statement would strengthen your introduction.
Paragraph Structure
Work on organizing your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Argument Support
Avoid overgeneralizations and unsupported statements. Providing concrete examples and citing reliable sources will enhance the credibility of your arguments.
Conclusion Development
Be more explicit in summarizing your arguments in the conclusion, reinforcing why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence Enhancement
For coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using transition phrases can help clarify the relationship between points.
Grammatical Accuracy
Mind the grammar and punctuation errors. Small inaccuracies could detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Balanced Analysis
Your essay effectively identifies and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology, which is essential for the task.
Use of Examples
You provided specific examples, such as the chess competition experiment, which strengthens your argument about technology's capabilities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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