IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays
because
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apply
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for
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of
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for
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 many reasons
such
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 as hard situations in
life
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life,
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 it is a good idea to permit
children
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 to make their own
choices
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.
This
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lead
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leads
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 to better
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decisions making
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decision-making
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outcome
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outcomes
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 for their future.
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However
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However,
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 others have an opinion that if
children
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 make their own
choices
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 on everyday subjects it can have negative consequences in different
aspect
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aspects
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in
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of
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community
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the community
a community
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such
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 as individual personality. We will consider both sides of the discussion in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, opponents have a frame of mind that, if
adolescence
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adolescents
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 have
authorize
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authority
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 on their everyday issues it can
leads
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lead
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 to many irrational
out come
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outcomes
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 in society
such
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 as selfish and
incontrollable
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uncontrollable
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 new
generation
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generations
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.
For example
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, because of raising youth by their own
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choices
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choices,
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this
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 leads to educate many rebellious who only think about their own wishes.
Furthermore
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,
adolescence
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adolescents
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 can not
to
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apply
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recognize right between wrong.
This
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 is a huge
issues
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issue
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 that can be dangerous for
community
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the community
show examples
.
However
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, proponents have an idea
for
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that
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 immaturity
to make
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in making
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decisions
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 can
then
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 be used in distinct
aspect
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aspects
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in
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of
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 their life
that
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is
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are
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 essential for them in different situations.
For instance
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, if youngsters can decide about their issues in their childhood
this
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lead
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leads
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 to
have
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having
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 momentous
experience
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experiences
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 in their life which can be effective
foe
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for
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 their next
decisions
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.
Moreover
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, making
decisions
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 by teens in their childhood could impact
on
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apply
show examples
their future.
Because
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This
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this
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 leads to
train
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training
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children
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 who can be independent in their future living. In conclusion, I would tend to side with the opponents because making
decisions
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 by teens can lead to being selfish.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 it is comprehensible for some to accept youths allowing
children
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 to make their own
choices
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.

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Task Achievement
Give specific examples to support your points. This helps to make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. A clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion would improve readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Avoid general statements. Aim for clarity by providing specific details and examples.
Task Achievement
You've discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing attempts to link ideas and arguments, showing an understanding of the need for coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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