IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

As computers are being used more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom

#computers #education #role #teachers #classroom
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 side of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 technological development Online learning is being popular than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical teaching under a well-educated person. But, it is
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not comparative for
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 studying. In my
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain how
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than the computer. Personally, I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
this
 point. As a primary teacher,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
teaching role is very special because, starting A to Z
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
attitude development is greatest and no one could do than courses educater .
Also
 teacher can feel the child's physical,
emotional
Correct word choice
and emotional
show examples
 expressions and weaknesses.After the home,
pupils
Change noun form
pupils'
pupil's
show examples
 second home is School and a machine
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a shelter for a human heart . And the other side
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 exposure to blue rays could
be damaged
Wrong verb form
damage
show examples
 the retinal cells of the eye and children have to wear glasses since early childhood, and
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other physical weaknesses
such
 as neck pain, back bone deformities, lethargy, Obesity may
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sitting front of the computer studying.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there is no entertainment in Zoom classes than
classroom
Add an article
a classroom
show examples
 with a great supervisor and friends. In my conclusion, I prefer to highlight that, Online learning is suitable for adult
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 learning but
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not sincerely
comparative
Replace the word
compare
show examples
 with child development. I thoroughly
pursue
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that technology is necessary for
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world but learning and teaching
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 place but
different
Add a missing verb
have different
show examples
 views.
Submitted by amalitharangani0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Give more specific examples to better support your arguments regarding the role of teachers versus technology in education. This will help strengthen your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider working on the logical flow of your ideas. This involves better structuring of your paragraphs and clearer linking of ideas and arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to address both views of the argument even if you take a clear stance. This will enrich your response and showcase an understanding of the discussion from multiple angles.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the fluidity of your writing. This will also help in enhancing the cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
You clearly presented your stance on the importance of teachers over computers in education, which is great for task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a good structure for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: