IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014.

The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014.
#bar #scotland’s #exports #rest #uk #world #year
The illustrated bar chart depicts the exports of Scotland to other countries of the world and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. Generally, we can the that Business and Restaurant services are noticeably more than
another spheres
Replace the adjective
another sphere
other spheres
show examples
. We can see from the data that exports for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the world
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 considerably different from exports to the UK,
for instance
, in
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
show examples
 sphere
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 numbers
differs
Change the verb form
differ
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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almost eight times with indexes 8.2 per
cent
 and 1.1 per
cent
 respectively.
By contrast
, in
electrical
Correct article usage
the electrical
show examples
 engineering
sphere
Add a comma
sphere,
show examples
 the situation is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
, with 2.3 per
cent
 and 4 per
cent
 for
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
show examples
 countries and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 respectively.
Furthermore
, there are slight
distinction
Fix the agreement mistake
distinctions
show examples
 between several spheres like manufacturing of food and other manufacturing with numbers of 5.8 and 5.9 per
cent
 respectively. The least impact for the export is given by agricultural, forestry, fishing and mining sphere with only three per
cent
overall
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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