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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart provides key information about the
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 and
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
 habits for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea for Australian individuals by studying in various cities
Sydeny
Correct your spelling
Sydney
,
Melnoume
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adeleide
Correct your spelling
Adelaide
 and Hobart.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is clear from the graph that
Use synonyms
Melboume
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 showed a
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
ratio
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 people
Correct pronoun usage
who visit
show examples
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month.
In addition
Linking Words
, Hobrat showed a
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 percentages in bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Both
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Adelaide showed a modest proportion in bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, both
Use synonyms
melboume
Change the capitalization
Melboume
show examples
 and Hobart at the peak of people went the cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea around 64%,
While
Linking Words
 in other terms Harbort showed a
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 than
Melboume
Use synonyms
 around 55%.
However
Linking Words
. Sydney showed a critical
increace
Correct your spelling
increase
 in crowd
visit
Correct subject-verb agreement
visits
show examples
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 in the same period almost 61%.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Adelaide showed a minor
ratio
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the other cities. In terms of people
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
show examples
 to
bought
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, Sydney
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 the lead
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 45%.
Use synonyms
melboume
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 second by 43%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Both
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Adelaide showed a similar
ratio
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 34%. Harbort City 37%.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, brisbane, melboume, ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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