IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? why do you think some people might no be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones #be
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In the future,
people
Use synonyms
 may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using
cash
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. All
payments
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 may have to be made by
card
Use synonyms
 or
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
. Do you think
this
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 will happen one day? why do you think some
people
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 might
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 be happy to give up using
cash
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? We are now living in the era of
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result of
this
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 in the future, citizens may no longer be able to pay their bills in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stores using
cash
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,
instead
Linking Words
 all the
payments
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 will become digitalized. I believe that
this
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 is going to happen within a few decades.
This
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 essay will discuss how
payments
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 are going to be digitalized
as well as
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 why some
people
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 will be unhappy to give up using
cash
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. As young
people
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are gravitated
Change to the active voice
gravitate
have gravitated
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 towards
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technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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, they
are
Verb problem
apply
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easily
adapting
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
 themselves towards it.
As a result
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 of
this
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, making any
payments
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 with cards or mobile
instead
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 of
cash
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 will be highly welcomed among
these generation
Change the determiner
this generation
these generations
show examples
. Let us consider in case of
people
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 who are working in a Multinational Company almost sixty to eighty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of the
people
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's salary
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 debited
in
Change preposition
from
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 their bank accounts. In
this
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situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 the majority of the
people
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 will not prefer to withdraw their
cash
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 from the
cash
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 machine,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 make their
payments
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. They will automatically adapt themselves to the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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easiest way, which is making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
payments
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 with
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
either
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card
Correct article usage
a card
show examples
 or using mobile phone.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 who don't want to change their routine will be unhappy
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 giving up the
cash
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payments
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. The recent research on payment methods says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the majority of the world population are using either digitalized or
card
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payments
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instead
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 of
cash
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payments
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.
Along with
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this
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 it
also
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 states that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 most of the
people
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 who are aged more than fifty are using
cash
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payments
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. They are afraid to trust the
payments
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 which are made other than
cash
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. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 scenario
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 my grandfather,
Although
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 his pension amount is debited
in
Change preposition
from
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 his bank account, he used to withdraw his
cash
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 and make his
payments
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. After discussing with him I came to know that he
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
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 have trust in the
technologies
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. In conclusion, the majority of the
payments
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 will happen through either
card
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 or
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mobile because of the sophisticated
technologies
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, outlining your view and discussing both the potential future of digital payments and the reasons for resistance. To enhance your response, try to develop your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and exploring the impacts of these transitions in depth.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the logical flow of your essay. To improve coherence, focus on smoother transitions between ideas and sentences for a more seamless read.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better signal the relationship between ideas and to make your argumentation more persuasive.
Task Achievement
You have effectively used specific examples, such as the preference of young people for technology and the personal anecdote about your grandfather, to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which successfully outlines and concludes your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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