IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write a 250-word essay for the topic: Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #advertisements #children
There is no doubt that advertisements can influence
the
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apply
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children
 in many ways.
Although
 some people believe that the promotions aiming
children
 should be stopped as they think it has some detrimental effect on them, I would argue that it is vital for
the
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apply
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young minds. On one hand, those who believe that commercials will
provacate
Correct your spelling
provocate
provocative
 the
children
as
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apply
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it makes
difficult
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it difficult
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 for them to differentiate which is true,
which
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and which
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 is not.
For example
, ads showing gambling will make them
to
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apply
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think
as
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of
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shortest
Add an article
the shortest
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 way to earn
whereas
 in
reality
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reality,
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 it will affect the kids badly once they
started
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start
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 doing it.
In contrast
, if the publishers focus only on good things to be displayed it will mitigate the issue.
On the other hand
, my view is that advertisements are necessary for
the
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apply
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juveniles because they impact
the
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their
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 thinking ability and
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 skills by making them
to
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apply
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think outside of the box for
the
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apply
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real life
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real-life
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 problems.
For instance
,
while
 I was a child I came across an advertisement
on
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for
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 producing
electricty
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electricity
 from
potato
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potatoes
show examples
. I got more curious after watching it and asked my teacher how it works. He explained
me
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to me
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 the theory behind it and I even did the experiment
in
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at
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 the science fair. In conclusion,
despie
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despite
 the harmful effects of advertisements on youngsters it is my firm
believe
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belief
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 that
this promotions
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this promotion
these promotions
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 will trigger the
children
's
enthusiaism
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 intuitively which will pave their career and
comes
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come
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 up with a solution for the emerging problems.
Submitted by vgowtham013 on

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Introduction
Begin by clearly stating your argument or stance in the introduction to immediately engage the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' 'However,' and 'For example' to weave your paragraphs together and signify shifts in argument or examples.
Task Achievement
Ensure that both views are discussed proportionately if you are arguing for a balanced perspective to maintain task achievement.
Language
Include a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and vary your sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
Supporting Examples
Provides personal examples to support arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's key points, reinforcing the author's stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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