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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #cameras #places #crime #people #privacy #system
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Without any doubt, public cameras are becoming ubiquitous
as well as
 playing a vital role
to deter
Change preposition
in deterring
show examples
 crimes of any kind. Certain individuals hold the idea that they permeate their private lives.
However
, from my perspective,
this
 small technology ought to be everywhere in order to their
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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. The first thing that comes to mind when talking about cameras is safety. These recording devices are
effectively
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effective
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to deter
Change preposition
in deterring
show examples
 criminals from committing their
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 by recording their faces,
while
 a huge number of handicaps will appear if the city does not have any video recorder in their streets.
For instance
, nowadays, crimes spread widely in some communities that neglect security and lead to numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death issues in the worst cases; meanwhile,
this
 is not a noticeable problem with others who tend to
unsure
Add a missing verb
be unsure
show examples
 that every area of the city is covered. In today's modernized era, and
due to
 the substantial advancement of technology, recording devices can be the police eyes in public and even take their
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 over.
although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it could increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment in one hand, the number of human mistakes will diminish. A perfect illustration of
this
 is when criminals choose overlooked areas that
underprivileged
Add a missing verb
have underprivileged
show examples
secureity
Correct your spelling
security
 in usual,
whereas
 having a cutting-edge video recorder can do a lot. In conclusion, it is obvious that in current days, policemen cannot do anything by themselves.
Therefore
, using high-tech devices is something significant.
Submitted by a.awh05 on

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Structure
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Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement, expressing the main idea effectively.
Language Range and Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
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