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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that people living in the twenty-first century have a better standard of living as compared to previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #century #centuries
Nowadays, developed technology allows people to live more easily and
healthy
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healthily
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, so some say that the living standard in
2000s
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the 2000s
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 is more sophisticated than that of the previous centuries
while
 others decline with it. In my opinion, I fully agree with
this
 statement and will explain why I believe so in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, since the internet
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
,
such
 as online shopping or payment, is definitely beneficial for people’s lives, they can save the
time
of
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apply
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purchasing something which is essential for living and spend the
time
to do
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doing
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 other things like playing outside with family. As an example, in 1990, products were only sold
on site
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on-site
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,
thus
 people needed to go supermarket which was frequently far from their
home
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homes
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.
In contrast
, they can easily obtain daily products with online shopping within five minutes right now, and they are allowed to utilize
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this
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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time
 to work or have a chill.
Thus
, individuals in the twenty-first century have more free
time
 than in
1900’s
Correct article usage
the 1900’s
show examples
.
Furthermore
, transportation systems have dramatically
been
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apply
show examples
changed within the
last
a
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apply
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hundred years, and almost everyone can go to their
distinations
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destinations
 easier and faster than before.
For instance
, in Japan, they used Jinrikisya, which is a small car moved by humans, as their most common transportation method, but it took countless
time
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times
show examples
.
Therefore
, Toyota, which is one of the most massive companies in Japan, invented a reasonable private car called Prius in 2000, and the
time
 of transportation
greatly
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was greatly
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 reduced. Recently, Japanese commutes to their workplaces within one hour, which means that their living standards have significantly
been
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apply
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improved. In conclusion, since there are two specific reasons why living
standard
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standards
show examples
has been
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have
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 increased nowadays, I strongly claim that living
condition
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conditions
show examples
 in 2000’s
is
Wrong verb form
were
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 obviously better than
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past.
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on

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Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and sophistication of your text. While your essay is coherent, diversifying sentence construction could improve flow and engagement.
Argument Depth
Consider a deeper exploration of contrasting viewpoints to enrich your argument. While your agreement with the statement is clear and supported, acknowledging and refuting counterarguments could strengthen your position.
Spelling/Grammar
Be cautious about minor spelling or grammar inaccuracies. Although they do not significantly hinder understanding, perfecting these aspects contributes to a more polished presentation.
Use of Examples
Your essay effectively uses real-world examples to support claims, effectively enhancing your argument's credibility.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction of the essay, efficiently guiding the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces your viewpoint, effectively concluding the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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