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Band 5

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for research. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #animals #rights #humans #research
In spite of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological advancement, more and more people
accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animal rights,
whereas
 the other
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
animals
 are the main resources for
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 to aim
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 target,
such
 as doing research.
This
 essay firmly agrees that it is beneficial for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to preserve and give
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 a
right
 on account
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the ecosystematic balance and the new way of solving environmental problems, despite those who assume that researching purpose is more advantageous. It must be vital to acknowledge that wildlife
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the most necessary factors to
main
Correct your spelling
maintain
show examples
 the balance in the environmental
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
.
In other words
,
animals
 will remain the
number
 of
species
 in the ecosystem stably in order to avoid the extinction of one
species
 by the predating way.
As a result
, the
majory
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
the
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apply
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dangerous
animals
 still continually stay
the
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apply
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safe
number
 for other life to live in, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human civilization.
According to
 some scientific studies about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of creatures globally, approximately a third of
animals
was
Verb problem
have
show examples
dissappeared
Correct your spelling
disappeared
 in the world leading to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing
number
 of other mutation
species
, which can be dangerous to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
due to
 the out of control
naturally
Replace the word
nature
show examples
. Some critics,
however
,
confims
Correct your spelling
confirm
 their idea of
utilizering
Correct your spelling
utilising
animals
 as the equipment for research. They
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
animals
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 born so as to improve the quality of human life,
such
 as
discovering
Change preposition
by discovering
show examples
the
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apply
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pharmaceutical medicines or cutting-edge treatments for many illnesses.
This
 may be true, but if the amount of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 died because of those experiments,
this
 would cause the extinction of many invaluable
species
 and many other social and health issues. Take China as a pertinent example, where most of the
preciously
Correct your spelling
previously
show examples
 genetic
animals
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
 over the past few decades, motivating
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the growth of the
animals
' dead
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 that affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's beauty and public health. From
this
 writer's perspective, the
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
show examples
 rights would be the priority on the
ground
Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
show examples
 of their assistance to environmentally problematic enhancement.
This
 is because not only can many wild
creature
Change to a plural noun
creatures
show examples
 help to improve the quality of the environment, but they clear the waste released from the great
number
 of factories globally.
For
this
 reason,
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
 could be like the accomplishment medals for their contribution and
preserve
Replace the word
preservation
show examples
 from
the poach
Wrong verb form
poaching
show examples
. The UK is a prime example, they prohibited people from killing
animals
 and
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
animals
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 official regulation to protect them. Taking all points into account,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal preservation by
animals
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
 can be meaningful by their help in the environmental balance and the new solution to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution worldwide.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more beneficial for the humankind communities.
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance and discusses both views, but try to use more specific examples to robustly support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
General
Work on your grammar and spelling to avoid misunderstandings and improve clarity. Attention to detail can elevate your writing significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is good, but strive for smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them to enhance the flow of your ideas.
Introduction
You have a clear thesis that sets the direction for your essay, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and the main points discussed, reinforcing your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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