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Band 4.5

Environmental problems are increasing in developing countries. what are some possible solutions for this issue

#countries
Many developing countries have faced
air
 and
water
pollution
 because of industry and construction. Using solar and wild
energy
 and taking some steps to improve
air
 quality through filtrations could be optimal solutions for
this
 issue. At
first,
air
pollution
 which is one of the most pressing problems has become
due to
 human activities
such
 as industrial waste, burning fossil fuels for
energy
 production, and reducing forests.
As a result
, the average temperature of Earth is increasing,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 allergic and health problems, and ozone layer depletion are being experienced.
Secondly
,
water
pollution
 can result from industrial wastewater being poured from natural sources. It could be harmful to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, the agriculture sector and even human health. There are two solutions for
air
pollution
.
Above all
, manufacturing organizations should use
environmental-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
show examples
energy
 like solar and wild power,
natural
Correct word choice
and natural
show examples
 gas
instead
 of fossil fuels
as well as
 encourage electric vehicles.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
filtration technologies are introduced for production factories. To deal with
water
pollution
 governments should take some steps to keep
water
 sources quality.
For example
, after filtration was introduced in India in 2010, the quality of
water
 sources improved.
Therefore
, in industrial sectors, the wastewater is retreated and reproduced before entering
water
 bodies. In conclusion,
air
 and
water
pollution
 caused by industry and manufacturing are extremely serious issues that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must prevent. Introducing environmentally friendly
energy
 and technologies might be effective solutions.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Work on providing a clearer introduction and conclusion that neatly encapsulate your argument and solutions.
Cohesiveness
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
Detailed Examples
Enhance the specificity and depth of your examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Good job on discussing both problems and solutions clearly, keeping your essay relevant and on-topic throughout.
Logical Structure
You've made a solid effort to structure your essay logically, which aids in understanding your main points easily.
Comprehensive Ideas
Your incorporation of solutions such as using solar/wind energy, filtration technologies, and wastewater treatment are practical and relevant, showing a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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