IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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It is argued that
learners
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 should defray the full cost of their
study
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,
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 university
education
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 has more benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
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 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
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 point of view. There is a variety reasons of
disagreement
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for disagreement
show examples
 about
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, the situation of each student is not the same.
Moreover
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, the bill of
study
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 in universities is higher than other curriculums. It is easy to see that many
students
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 cannot afford the cost of
education
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 so they do not continue their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Education
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 should be the top priority
due to
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 the
students
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'
study
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 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and
improvement
Replace the word
improve
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 of
country
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.
For example
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, there are some
students
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 from
an
Change the article
a
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 university called HUST in the capital of Vietnam had created some modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to help the industry of Vietnam.
Thus
Linking Words
, the scholarship can help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 pay
the
Change the word
their
show examples
education
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Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and
that is
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 intelligent investment of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. That can help
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
students
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 gap their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 or they can graduate and improve
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
 knowledge,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 their
country
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. Another main reason for that point of view is the support
fee
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 can be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 inspiration
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
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. There are many cases
Change preposition
in that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
students
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 do not continue their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 because they
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 bored when they
studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
. The
fee
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 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or universities can motivate
learners
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 to continue and try to improve their knowledge and gain success. It is not false that they can receive a lot of benefits but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 can get these advantages too. After
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
,
students
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 must do work to earn money.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, these jobs are a part of
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 industry of
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country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. So, investment
for
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in
show examples
learners
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 can help the
country
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 in many ways. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
fee
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 from universities or
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can help decrease
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
leave studying
Add a hyphen
leave-studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because
learners
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 cannot afford
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of
education
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. Another reason is the motivation
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from the support
fee
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.
That is
Linking Words
 the investment to develop
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country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and
society
Use synonyms
.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance the readability of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to your spelling and grammatical mistakes, as these can slightly distract from your argument's clarity.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider elaborating further on how university education benefits society as a whole, beyond the job market.
Task Achievement
Include more diverse examples or evidence from a variety of sources or perspectives to enrich your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You clearly introduced and concluded your essay, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by considering different aspects of the topic, which enhances your task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
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