Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
learners
should defray the full cost of their
study
,
due to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
education
has more benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
point of view. There is a variety reasons of
disagreement
Change preposition
for disagreement
show examples
about
this
statement.
Firstly
, the situation of each student is not the same.
Moreover
, the bill of
study
in universities is higher than other curriculums. It is easy to see that many
students
cannot afford the cost of
education
so they do not continue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Education
should be the top priority
due to
the
students
'
study
can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and
improvement
Replace the word
improve
show examples
of
country
.
For example
, there are some
students
from
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university called HUST in the capital of Vietnam had created some modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
to help the industry of Vietnam.
Thus
, the scholarship can help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
pay
the
Change the word
their
show examples
education
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
and
that is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
intelligent investment of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. That can help
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
students
gap their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
or they can graduate and improve
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
knowledge,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
their
country
. Another main reason for that point of view is the support
fee
can be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
inspiration
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
. There are many cases
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
students
do not continue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
because they
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
bored when they
studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
. The
fee
from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
or universities can motivate
learners
to continue and try to improve their knowledge and gain success. It is not false that they can receive a lot of benefits but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
can get these advantages too. After
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
,
students
must do work to earn money.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, these jobs are a part of
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
industry of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. So, investment
for
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in
show examples
learners
can help the
country
in many ways. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
fee
from universities or
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
can help decrease
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
of
leave studying
Add a hyphen
leave-studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because
learners
cannot afford
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
of
education
. Another reason is the motivation
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
from the support
fee
.
That is
the investment to develop
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
and
society
.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance the readability of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to your spelling and grammatical mistakes, as these can slightly distract from your argument's clarity.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider elaborating further on how university education benefits society as a whole, beyond the job market.
Task Achievement
Include more diverse examples or evidence from a variety of sources or perspectives to enrich your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You clearly introduced and concluded your essay, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by considering different aspects of the topic, which enhances your task achievement score.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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