Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In many
countries
, young men must attend compulsory military service after they finish their school. I think that this
system must be adopted by all countries
making it mandatory for both
men and women to join the services
for at least 2 years. This
duty will immensely benefit both
people and the government.
Firstly
, we need
understand that cultivating hard work and discipline in someone at Add the particle
need to
their
younger age will help them in their life. Military service demands Change the word
a
both
of these attributes. For example
, if a person can adapt to the working routine at a
army base Change the article
an
such
as early wake up
, physical exercise, limited food options, demanding work etc. Most of the kids will stick to these habits for their life. These will help them succeed in their remaining life. Join the words
wake-up
Also
, including women in these services
and training them as per their interests will be of a
great benefit to them.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, all nations cannot have a standby military with a vast number of people all around the year. Especially, smaller countries
cannot afford to have one due to
the economic drawbacks. In these cases, adopting compulsory military service will greatly benefit the country. If an emergency war situation arises, all these trained people can be called for the
national duty. They can be posted for administrative tasks and other works to support the ongoing war efforts.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, all countries
must consider adopting these services
for both
men and women too. There are several advantages to the younger ones and to the nation. These services
will give them the agility to be face
their future.Change the verb form
face
Submitted by msrinivas7866 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction by briefly summarizing the main points you will cover. This helps set clear expectations for the reader.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention a country that has successfully implemented compulsory military service to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Transitional phrases can help improve coherence.
task achievement
Acknowledge possible counterarguments to strengthen your response. Discussing potential downsides and addressing them can show a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
coherence cohesion
You present a logical structure, moving from the benefits for the individuals to the benefits for the nation.
task achievement
Your points about discipline and economic benefits are clear and relevant to the topic.