IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals aroud the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe that actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both views and present an opinion.

#activity #impact #plants #animals #aroud #world #people #actions #change
In the contemporary era,
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollution
 is a serious problem caused by human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. It is widely believed that
this
 phenomenon occurs constantly and never changes
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is another opinion
insting
Correct your spelling
insisting
 that it can be changed with appropriate behaviours of the governments and individuals.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives and present an opinion. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 will persist because the number of humanity is increasing. Advancement of science influenced the development of
agricultrual
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 technology and
making
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 it possible to obtain lots of wheat and rice compared to before.
This
 cosmopolitan increasing production of crops naturally leads to the worldwide population explosion.
Consequently
, it means that the possibility of
damaging
Replace the word
damage
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 to the Earth
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 and
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
environment
 will never stop.
On the other hand
, the
pollution
 could be solved with the efforts of the authorities and individuals. The former should invest revenues to develop the
reuseable
Correct your spelling
reusable
show examples
 and alternative energy
such
 as wind power and solar panels to prevent air
pollution
.
In addition
, the latter is supposed to try riding public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
such
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 to reduce carbon dioxide
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
emissions
 and use
reusable
Add an article
a reusable
the reusable
show examples
 water
bottle
Fix the agreement mistake
bottles
show examples
 to decrease
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of garbage from each
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
. In conclusion, whilst
dramatic
Correct article usage
the dramatic
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 increase
of
Change preposition
in
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, it could be addressed by the governments and people. It
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 agreed that commitment to deal with environmental issues can make the Earth more clean.
Therefore
, people should dedicate
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 protection.
Submitted by benheo5936 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices to ensure the essay flows well. While some are present, varying them could enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary to ensure clarity and precision in your points.
task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide readers through your discourse.
task achievement
Include specific, detailed examples to support each viewpoint to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views as the task requires, presenting a balanced consideration of the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is coherent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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