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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two bar charts below show the proportion of 14-to 16-year-old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country, and the top three foreign languages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two bar charts below show the proportion of 14-to 16-year-old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country, and the top three foreign languages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#two #bar #show #proportion #-to #students #language #english #country #three #languages #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar charts depict the percentage of students from the age 14 to 16 learn a
learn a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
second
languages
Correct the article-noun agreement
language
show examples
 in an
English speaking
Add a hyphen
English-speaking
show examples
national
Replace the word
nation
show examples
 and
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 most common second languages in 1984 and 2007. Looking at an
overall
Linking Words
perpectively
Correct your spelling
perspective
,it is readily
apperant
Correct your spelling
apparent
 that the girls' proportion was higher than the boys' counterpart.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the chunk of both
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 decreased slightly.In the second chart,French and German experienced a decline
whereas
Linking Words
 Spanish increased rapidly.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
girls'
Correct article usage
the girls'
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 was approximately 49% in 1984 but the
rate
Use synonyms
 tended to go down in 2007 accounting for 40%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
boys'
Correct article usage
the boys'
show examples
 percentage faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar trend
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the females' chunk.To be more clear,in 1984 boys'
rate
Use synonyms
 stood at 30%
then
Linking Words
 declined to nearly 25% in 2007. Turning to the remaining chart,French was the most dominant
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 which reached 50% in total.
However
Linking Words
,in 2007 French plummeted around 23% in 2007.In terms of
German
Replace the word
Germany
show examples
,the
rate
Use synonyms
 slumped from 20% in 1984 to 10% in 2007.
By contrast
Linking Words
 with French and German,Spanish experienced a two-fold increase from 2% up to 10% in 1984 and 2007 respectively.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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