At the present, the population of some countires includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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A balanced
population
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

consist of almost equal amount of youth and older
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, certain nations
inculde
Correct your spelling
include

If you don’t want inculde to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

majority
Correct article usage
a majority

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of young
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

compared with
geriatric
Add an article
the geriatric
a geriatric

The noun phrase geriatric population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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population
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

having ample youngsters
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings

It seems that the verb bring does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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tremendous advantages
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the respective
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, losing
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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older
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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certain disadvantages that can not be overlooked. I will discuss both aspects of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

matter before
infering
Correct your spelling
offering

If you don’t want infering to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

my constructive feedback. There are
abandant
Correct your spelling
abundant

If you don’t want abandant to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

advantages of having a significant number of young
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young age is the golden period of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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as they pursue
highest
Change the article
the highest

It appears that the phrase highest level does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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level of physical and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being

It seems that well being is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them able to use their maximum level of
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential

It seems that potentials may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they can give their best in each field which indirectly helps the
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to grow for its betterment.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more updated
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

If you don’t want knowlege to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them a perfect candidate for
getting
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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employment by applying new innovations in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's

It appears that the word todays should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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technologocal
Correct your spelling
technological

If you don’t want technologocal to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

era. In
perticular
Correct your spelling
particular

If you don’t want perticular to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
by
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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imarting their novel
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

If you don’t want knowlege to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and skill of working
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced

It seems that fast paced is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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environment make them
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun contributors in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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potential contributors
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

country's
Correct article usage
the country's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development. To cite an example, Singapur is one of the developed countries of
world
Add an article
the world

The noun phrase world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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having a higher
population
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of youngsters which became a great
assest
Correct your spelling
asset
assist

If you don’t want assest to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
economical
Replace the word
economic

The word economical doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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advancement. Talking about the flip side, the
imporatnce
Correct your spelling
importance

If you don’t want imporatnce to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of older
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can not be avoided. To
expain
Correct your spelling
explain

If you don’t want expain to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, older
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have years of experience which is mandatory to run any business.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if we look towards any successful
reknowned
Correct your spelling
well-known

If you don’t want reknowned to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

company, the manager or the chief
excecutive
Correct your spelling
executive

If you don’t want excecutive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

position is occupied
for
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the most senior
peroson
Correct your spelling
person

If you don’t want peroson to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

who can give constant
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance

If you don’t want guidence to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and conflict
resoltion
Correct your spelling
resolution

If you don’t want resoltion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

strategies that play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial

The noun phrase crucial role seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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role in achieving success. Amalgamating all the points from both
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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sides, I firmly opine that every
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
population
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should include a balanced proportion of young
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and senior citizens. In that way, nations can get the advantages of not only new innovative ideas and
potnetial
Correct your spelling
potential

If you don’t want potnetial to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

energy from youngsters
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

expert
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions

It seems that opinion may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from

The word form doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
olders
Correct your spelling
older

If you don’t want olders to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
development.

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Structural Advice
Your essay has a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in organizing your ideas and presenting them logically. However, try to avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph distinctly contributes to your argument.
Language Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical accuracy. For example, 'abandant' should be 'abundant', 'imparting' rather than 'imarting', and 'Singapur' should be 'Singapore'. These small errors can distract from your otherwise clear arguments.
Content Development
Using specific examples strengthens your argument. The example of Singapore is a good start, but adding more concrete details or statistics could provide stronger support for your claims.
Argument Clarity
You've done well to address both sides of the argument, but make sure your conclusion clearly states your own stance. While you've suggested a balanced approach, reinforcing your view with a concise summary would enhance clarity.
Content Balance
Effectively addressed both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view.
Cohesion
Good use of transitions to maintain flow and coherence between paragraphs.
Vocabulary Range
Successfully employed varied vocabulary to express your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • productivity
  • entrepreneurship
  • workforce
  • social welfare
  • cultural norms
  • unemployment
  • education demands
  • resource allocation
  • aging population
  • healthcare strain
  • pension systems
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • competitiveness
  • adaptability
  • progressive movements
What to do next:
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