in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages giving children this message

#cultures #children #message

In many cultures, the

children

are being told that burning

candle

Fix the agreement mistake

candles

show examples

at both ends will make all their dreams come true. Personally, I strongly side with

this

view and I believe insisting on

this

massage

brings about so many plus

pints

Correct your spelling

points

show examples

for

children

. Telling

children

than

Correct word choice

that

show examples

sufficient effort can help them to achieve their goals, will

results

Wrong verb form

result

show examples

in so many potential benefits. To start with,

this

statement will improve their

ambitiousness

Replace the word

ambition

show examples

. By way of illustration, if a 10-year-old child

believe

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believes

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that he can be awarded

with

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apply

show examples

noble

Add an article

the noble

show examples

prize in science, he will do his best in order to meet that need.

In addition

this

massage

Correct your spelling

message

show examples

makes

children

optimist

Replace the word

optimistic

show examples

about their goals. If they don’t accept that their aims are achievable, they will soon

get

Verb problem

become

show examples

pessimist. Take,

Change the article

show examples

unwealthy child as an example. If he doesn’t believe that obtaining his dream home and car is feasible, he is going to lose his motivation.

moreover

, serious problems

such

as depression and suicide in adults, stem from lack of

motivations

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motivation

show examples

in childhood. To clarify, a child who thinks that he is unwilling to make his dreams come true

Remove the comma

apply

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has no reason to stay alive.

On the other hand

, some argue that

this

massage

Correct your spelling

message

show examples

may result vice versa if their dreams don’t come true. They claim that sometimes

children

fail to achieve their goals and

this

leads to losing self-confidence.

However

, if parents teach them to believe in themselves and not to lose their self-esteem in failure situations, they are likely to try over and over again to satisfy their desires. Bottom line,

according to

foregoing

Correct article usage

the foregoing

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reasons we arrive at the conclusion that there are so many benefits in telling

children

to work hard in order to

fulfill

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fulfil

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their needs.

Hence

obviously

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obviously,

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the advantages of

this

massage

clearly outweigh

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on Fri May 10 2024

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Language Complexity

Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. While you are good at expressing your ideas, adding some complexity to your sentences could help demonstrate a higher command of the language.

Supporting Examples

To strengthen your argument, include more detailed examples or evidence. This could involve citing relevant studies or adding hypothetical scenarios that relate directly to your points, making your argument more convincing.

Spelling/Grammar

Be mindful of occasional spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'massage' instead of 'message'. These slight errors don't detract significantly from your meaning but refining them will polish your presentation.

Vocabulary Variety

Use synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, you frequently use 'believe' and 'goals'. Using synonyms not only avoids repetition but also enriches your vocabulary use in the essay.

Introduction/Conclusion

Effective introduction of the main argument and a clear stance on the issue.

Example Use

Good use of examples to support your argument, such as the 'unwealthy child' scenario, which helps to illustrate your points.

Structure

Structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages giving children this message

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The subjects that children are taught in schools are decided by central authorities. Some people say that teachers, not politicians should be responsible for this task. To what extent do you agree or disagree with?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

easily. In addition, the city is central to the state, trade, education and many sectors of the human being so society tends to find new experiences and broaden their horizon in the metropolitan which supports people’s capability at work.

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people