in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages giving children this message
In many cultures, the
children
are being told that burning candle
at both ends will make all their dreams come true. Personally, I strongly side with Fix the agreement mistake
candles
this
view and I believe insisting on this
massage
brings about so many plus pints
for Correct your spelling
points
children
.
Telling children
than
sufficient effort can help them to achieve their goals, will Correct word choice
that
results
in so many potential benefits. To start with, Wrong verb form
result
this
statement will improve their ambitiousness
. By way of illustration, if a 10-year-old child Replace the word
ambition
believe
that he can be awarded Change the verb form
believes
with
Remove the preposition
apply
noble
prize in science, he will do his best in order to meet that need. Add an article
the noble
In addition
, this
massage
makes Correct your spelling
message
children
optimist
about their goals. If they don’t accept that their aims are achievable, they will soon Replace the word
optimistic
get
pessimist. Take, Verb problem
become
a
unwealthy child as an example. If he doesn’t believe that obtaining his dream home and car is feasible, he is going to lose his motivation. Change the article
an
moreover
, serious problems such
as depression and suicide in adults, stem from lack of motivations
in childhood. To clarify, a child who thinks that he is unwilling to make his dreams come trueFix the agreement mistake
motivation
,
has no reason to stay alive.
Remove the comma
apply
On the other hand
, some argue that this
massage
may result vice versa if their dreams don’t come true. They claim that sometimes Correct your spelling
message
children
fail to achieve their goals and this
leads to losing self-confidence. However
, if parents teach them to believe in themselves and not to lose their self-esteem in failure situations, they are likely to try over and over again to satisfy their desires.
Bottom line, according to
foregoing
reasons we arrive at the conclusion that there are so many benefits in telling Correct article usage
the foregoing
children
to work hard in order to fulfill
their needs. Change the spelling
fulfil
Hence
, obviously
the advantages of Add a comma
obviously,
this
massage
clearly outweigh disadvantages
.Correct article usage
the disadvantages
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on
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Language Complexity
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. While you are good at expressing your ideas, adding some complexity to your sentences could help demonstrate a higher command of the language.
Supporting Examples
To strengthen your argument, include more detailed examples or evidence. This could involve citing relevant studies or adding hypothetical scenarios that relate directly to your points, making your argument more convincing.
Spelling/Grammar
Be mindful of occasional spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'massage' instead of 'message'. These slight errors don't detract significantly from your meaning but refining them will polish your presentation.
Vocabulary Variety
Use synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, you frequently use 'believe' and 'goals'. Using synonyms not only avoids repetition but also enriches your vocabulary use in the essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
Effective introduction of the main argument and a clear stance on the issue.
Example Use
Good use of examples to support your argument, such as the 'unwealthy child' scenario, which helps to illustrate your points.
Structure
Structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.