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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the amount of money spent on consumer goods in two different countries in 2010.

The chart below shows the amount of money spent on consumer goods in two different countries in 2010.
The provided bar chart demonstrates how much money was spent
for
Change preposition
on
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 purchasing staff in two various countries in 2010. It can be clearly seen that the highest amount of expenditure was for Cars in both countries(
France
Use synonyms
 and The
UK
Use synonyms
) in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,the population of the
united kingdom
Correct your spelling
United Kingdom
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 did not tend to buy Perfume in 2010. In 2010,the average
of
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apply
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spending money on Cars was just over 450,000 in the
UK
Use synonyms
,just ahead of
France
Use synonyms
 with
expenditure
Correct article usage
an expenditure
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exactly
Change preposition
of exactly
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 400,000 in 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
,purchasing Books in England was considerably more popular than providing Books in
France
Use synonyms
 with approximately 400,000 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 and 300,000 in
France
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
,the amount of investment
Change preposition
in
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on
Change preposition
in
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 Computers in
France
Use synonyms
 was as prominent as
Change preposition
in the
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
united kingdom
Correct your spelling
United Kingdom
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 with roughly 370,000 and 350,000 in 2010,respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the average
of
Change preposition
apply
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spending money on Cameras in
France
Use synonyms
 was significantly less
lovely
Correct word choice
expensive
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 than expenditure in the
UK
Use synonyms
 with 150,000 in
France
Use synonyms
 and 350,000 in England in 2010.Surprisingly,people did not choose to purchase Perfume in
France
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 in 2010 which was 200,000 and nearby 150,000,respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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