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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries
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The two bar charts given
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 the proportion of males and females in the workforce in
Canada
Use synonyms
, South
Korea
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2005 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, over the given decades the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of working men
was
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were
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 consistently superior to
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 respect to growth, all three countries saw an increment in female workers,
while
Linking Words
 the quantity of men varied over the
10-years
Fix the agreement mistake
10-year
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 period. Regarding men, in 2005,
Sweden
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 employed the highest number with a figure of approximately 79%. South
Korea
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 came in a close second accounting for about three-quarters recruited Man. Followed by
Canada
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 which stood at just above 60%.
However
Linking Words
, these values all witnessed changes by 2015, with South
Korea
Use synonyms
 amounting to the most rated with a little below 80%, and
Canada
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 increased to exactly 70%. Notably,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 reduced by 10% having the same rate of male workers as
Canada
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. Woman,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, experienced a rise in their employment rate
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2015.
Initially
Linking Words
 in 2005, holding the same
rankied
Correct your spelling
ranking
ranked
 position as me,
Sweden
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 outnumbered all other countries by hiring nearly 45%
women
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,
then
Linking Words
Canada
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 had just under 45%, and the country with the least amount of
women
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 in the workforce was South
Korea
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 comprising 30% employers. But by 2015,
Sweden
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 and
Canada
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 held opposite positions with percentages of 50% and roughly 54% respectively. South
Korea
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 was still the lowest at recruiting
women
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 constituting an estimate of about a third.
Submitted by adebimpeanimawun on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, korea, sweden, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar charts
  • percentages
  • employment
  • countries
  • 2005
  • 2015
  • trends
  • differences
  • changes
  • men
  • women
  • variations
  • patterns
  • significant
  • observations
  • summarize
  • findings
  • predictions
  • future trends
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