It is common to see people focused on their phones everywhere from home to public places and in almost every activity in their lives. Many people think that this phenomenon is understandable in this technologicial era while others are concerned about its negative effects in different aspects. Which opinion do you agree with?
Most people believe that the majority of individuals perceive excessive smartphone usage as a common occurrence.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that these devices will have a detrimental impact on productivity, social relationships and mental health.
It seems clear that using digital app stores is crucial in communication, productivity and entertainment. In other words
, they provide access to a vast amount of information and services, facilitating various aspects of daily life. For instance
, not only can students access the advantageous educational web content on social media platforms but also
serve as hubs for knowledge sharing , with online communities and pages covering diverse topics, users worldwide have learning opportunities spanning science, technology, history, and
literature etc.
Correct word choice
apply
In contrast
, spending too much time on Android or iOS operational systems can lead to issues such
as decreased productivity, social isolation, and even mental health problems like anxiety, depression and fatigue. To be specific, electromagnetic waves may disrupt sleep patterns and contribute to sleeping disturbances. In addition
, studies have shown that the blue light emitted by screens can interfere with the body's natural sleep-wake cycle, suppressing the production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. As a consequence
, this
can have a significant impact on mood, cognition, and overall
mental well-being.
To conclude
, although
smartphones offer unparalleled connectivity and convenience, concerns about excessive use are valid. By adopting a balanced and mindful approach, we can maximize their benefits while
minimizing drawbacks, ensuring they remain tools for empowerment in the digital ageSubmitted by gautopsoi368 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Clarify your viewpoint more distinctly in the introduction to immediately inform readers of your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with specific details or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a more consistent focus on how these effects directly relate to the initial argument throughout your essay for a stronger coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the smooth flow of ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure that logically organizes the essay, making your points easy to follow.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses both sides of the issue, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduce and conclude your essay, effectively framing your discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?